


feelings will change (but i never feel enough)

by chogiwolf



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, endgame markhyuck, road trips with friends, without the road
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 19:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13864287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chogiwolf/pseuds/chogiwolf
Summary: donghyuck is in love with jeno. mark helps  him out.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> yo this is like my first fic since i was like nine-years-old, so pls cut me lots of slack. i vomited this out bc i hate my english assignment less than i hate myself.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> intro to hyuck's personal hell

Lee Donghyuck is in trouble. Don’t get him wrong, Donghyuck is loud and annoying and somewhat problematic, so he’s always in some form of trouble. He loves singing and being dramatic, and he’s always been  _ that _ drama kid through school, so he can usually get out said trouble. He’s boisterous but not hyperactive (not like Jaemin), and he’s got way too many friends than he actually needs, so if it comes to it, he can get the whole school behind him (probably). 

 

But here’s the flaw; Lee Donghyuck is also sentimental and caring and sensitive. Others would say he’s not nice enough, but he’s done more than enough for the people he calls friends. He takes extra notes for Jeno when he’s sick, and he makes Renjun and Chenle chinese food when they get homesick (definitely not because Jeno likes it too), and he helps wash up when he’s at other people’s houses (and definitely not just at Jeno’s),  _ and _ he’s pays for Jisung’s ice-cream when the younger boy goes through one of his emo-angst sessions (and this is one-hundred percent not because Donghyuck needs to drown his feelings in ice-cream too).

 

Oh yeah. Also, Lee Donghyuck is incredibly, ridiculously, shockingly in love with his best friend; best buddy; best platonic boyfriend, Lee Jeno.

 

Donghyuck doesn’t remember a time when he wasn’t in love with Jeno. It’s always been Jeno; even before he grew like two meters and got a jawline. Donghyuck’s been in love with the other boy ever since the time he shoved him into a bush - an event that may actually be the reason for all of Donghyuck’s pain.

 

Donghyuck pushed the other boy because Jeno had a girly face and a girly scream, and Donghyuck remembers laughing until the other started to cry. Jeno would argue until his last breath didn’t cry, but Donghyuck distinctly remembers the other boy’s eyes growing shiny and his lips starting to wobble. Donghyuck, watching as the other’s face turn red and splotchy, thought to his 5-year-old-self that he the only reason he was going to do what he going to do was because didn’t want to get in trouble.

 

He says sorry (against all of his better instincts) and offers to kiss him better - because Donghyuck can be a good person too! He didn’t expect Jeno to say yes, just like teenage-Donghyuck didn’t expect teenage-Jeno to suddenly hit puberty and transform into a greek god.

 

Of course, life is just one unexpected adventure full of little surprises, so Jeno, in all his crescent-eyed adorableness, sobered up completely, smiled brighter than the sun and said  _ yes please  _ and _ thank you _ .

 

One of the greatest similarities between little-Donghyuck and teenage-Donghyuck is that he could never, and will never be able to, refuse Jeno when he smiles.

 

Donghyuck can still remember the day - the day he bent down to kiss little-Jeno’s cute weeny hands in the middle of the park and the wind was in his hair, and there was soft sentimental music in the background, and there were parents awwing, and little-Donghyuck’s heart beating at  _ toofastohmygosh _ and - well, you get the picture.

 

And so this is where Donghyuck, in all his in-love-with-Lee-Jeno-ness, has encountered trouble. Not trouble like detention or oops-im-arrested trouble, but  _ heart trouble.  _

 

Elaboration? Well, Lee-Jeno-the-asshole, has just confessed to Donghyuck. About someone else.

 

Which sucks. Big time.

 

‘Hyuck, are you even listening?’ said asshole asks around a spoonful of ice-cream.

 

Donghyuck shakes himself out of his thoughts and plasters his biggest, most genuine and happy smile, ‘of course I am, I always listen to you when you say stuff.’

 

(It’s kind of sad that it’s not even a lie.)

 

‘Sure,’ Jeno rolls his eyes (Donghyuck thinks it’s the cutest thing ever), ‘Anyway,Iwas saying thatIthink i’m gonna ask Renjun out by the start of break.’

 

Oh yeah, another tidbit to Donghyuck’s ever-growing problem: Jeno likes  _ Renjun _ . Renjun, the amazing chinese kid who transferred to their school in the eighth grade, is the subject of Jeno’s affections. The same Renjun, who, according Jaemin, according to Chenle, gis also somewhat into the greek-statue that is Donghyuck’s best friend.

 

‘That’s in like, two weeks, bro,’ Donghyuck says, despite his heart twisting in all sorts of directions, ‘You sure about it?’

 

Jeno nods firmly, his platinum blonde hair (which Donghyuck picked out for him and it looks  _ good _ ) bouncing softly, 'I’m gonna do it.’

 

‘What if he says no, or something goes wrong, and everything is awkward for the trip?’ Donghyuck asks - because he’s in love and an asshole.

 

‘Then it’ll just be,’ Jeno sighs, ‘Sorry Hyuck, I know you don’t want to risk the trip.’

 

It’s true, Donghyuck doesn’t want to risk the trip. Chenle’s super-rich parents have already booked chalets for them at some exotic island somewhere, and Donghyuck really can’t wait to be at the beach again. He’s been waiting for the trip since what feels like forever. They missed the last one because of Jaemin’s injury, and now that Mark is moving back to Canada, it’s as important as ever. Donghyuck’s been planning it for months - to the point where Jisung has made a point to hit him everytime he talks about it.

 

It’s gonna suck major balls if all of Donghyucks hopes and dream go down the drain - especially if it’s because of Jeno and his stupid Renjun-wooing ways.

 

‘The trip is really important,’ Donghyuck frowns, even though he hates frowning at Jeno, 'It’s our last high school trip together as a whole group.’

 

'I know!’ Jeno says again, ‘but please just support me on this?’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t reply because he doesn’t know how to. Which teenage would willingly sign up to more teen angst?

 

The other boy, as if knowing Donghyuck’s hesitation, whips out what Donghyuck would like to call the ‘for-fucks-sake’ tactic, where he pretends that he gives up and then guilt trips Donghyuck by sighing with a sad pout.

 

'It’s fine if you really don’t want me to do it though. You’re my  _ most _ important friend, so I  _ really _ won’t do anything you don’t want.’

 

Donghyuck sighs, trying not to look at the ice-cream on the corner of Jeno’s mouth. Curse his weak heart and Jeno’s sly, sly ways.

 

‘Sure, whatever. But if this goes wrong, you owe me an entire week of coffee,’ he complies reluctantly, ‘and you’re getting me ice-cream tomorrow too.’

 

Jeno’s eyes light up and he breaks into a million-watt smile. Donghyuck’s heart does four backflips and lands with a broken back. If his best friend’s smile is going to be the source of his teen-angst and relationship anguish, then Donghyuck really wants a refund.

 

Standing up almost abruptly, Jeno tries to pull Donghyuck out of his chair, ‘Come on then, let’s go plan it now!’   
  
Donghyuck lets himself get dragged out of the ice-cream parlour, only remembering to turn around to wave goodbye to Lucas-the-ice-cream-guy at the last second. He doesn’t like the sympathetic smile he receives in turn. 

 

There were probably only three people in the entire world who knew about Donghyuck’s massive crush on Jeno; himself, Lucas-the-ice-cream-guy, and Mark Lee.   
  
Lucas, for one, only found out after Donghyuck stumbled into the parlour at 2 am in a sad, drunken-but-not-really haze, crying about his stupid best friend. Donghyuck is going to be forever embarrassed, but he does remember and appreciate Lucas’ comforting words. (They weren’t really comforting words, but rather Lucas trying to memorise chemistry formulas whilst patting Donghyuck gently on the back.) (He appreciates the thought, though.)   
  


Mark, on the other hand, was completely not Donghyuck’s fault. The older boy is usually quiet, and apparently extremely observant. The two weren’t even close - they were probably  _ least _ close in the whole gang, despite knowing each other since elementary. The big reveal only came that one time the two were alone together, and Mark had (extremely awkwardly) tried to break the silence by asking Donghyuck about his crush. To say that Donghyuck reacted badly would be an understatement - he is a drama student, after all.

 

Donghyuck doesn’t mind it, he really doesn’t - but he could do without the other boys’ pitying, sad gazes. It’s honestly quite deprecating, and as much as Donghyuck adores making jokes about the inevitability of death and how his life is pointless and meaningless, he would like to keep as much positivity in his life as possible. 

 

‘Whatchu thinking ‘bout?’ Jeno breaks the relatively calm silence, like the dorky asshole he is, ‘You seemed super deep in thought.’

 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, ‘Not anymore, you ass. I was just thinking about the trip.’

 

‘The trip again?’ Jeno raises a perfect eyebrow, 'I swear you’re obsessed hyuck.’

 

‘Like you’re obsessed with a certain chinese boy?’ Donghyuck bites back, despite the protests of his heart, ‘You, sir, are hypocrisy at its very best.’

 

‘Those two things aren’t even similar!’ faking indignance, Jeno gasps, ‘unless you’re trying to say you’re in love with the trip?’

 

Donghyuck bites his tongue to stop himself asking that one fatal, deadly question. He tries not to think about the fact that Jeno just implied that he is in love with Renjun.

 

‘At least I know the trip is gonna go well,’ he says instead, nausea swirling around in his stomach.

 

‘Ugh, I know,’ Jeno groans, throwing his head back as he walks. Donghyuck averts his eyes away from the other boy’s throat. His stomach twists again.

 

‘This is why I need your he-’ Jeno stops suddenly, and Donghyuck walks into his outstretched arm. The other boy’s face is one of complete panic, and if Donghyuck isn’t so smitten, he might even think it to be funny.

 

‘Mark-hyung’s coming, act natural, oh my god,’ the other boy says rapidly, acting the least bit natural. (Donghyuck hates himself for thinking he’s adorable and precious, even in a circumstance where his heart is practically being ripped to little pieces.)

 

Donghyuck turns around to where the other boy is gesturing, to find that, yes, Mark is heading over to him and Jeno, and is probably close enough to have heard everything. The sadistic part of Donghyuck’s mind rears its ugly head, and he snorts out a, ‘rest in peace’, much to both he and Jeno’s chagrin.

 

‘Heey, what’s up, hyung?’ Jeno says, drawing the vowel sounds out. Donghyuck ignores the flick of tongue that swipes over the taller boy’s soft,  _ soft _ , pink lips.

 

Mark blinks naively (‘Bless him,’ Donghyuck thinks), and confusedly replies, ‘Um? Not much? What’re you guys doing out of school?’

 

Jeno grins relatively awkwardly, ‘Ah, you know. Visiting Lucas-hyung, getting ice-cream. You know. The works.’

 

Donghyuck opens his mouth to save his mess of a best friend, but the sadistic part of his mind takes control and instead he says, ‘We’re planning for Jeno to ask Renjun out before the trip.’

 

Unsurprisingly, Jeno’s head whips around at a neck-breaking speed. Donghyuck feels a little more than sorry.

 

‘What the fuck,’ he hisses, his eyes shifted into an admittedly adorable glare, ‘Donghyuck, why-‘

 

Watching Mark’s face morph into one of quiet amusement, Donghyuck stutters a bit. Even  _ he _ didn’t know he was gonna say  _ that _ .

 

'It’s fine, Mark-hyung won’t say anything right?,’ he stammers out, ‘I-in fact, he can help us!’

 

Donghyuck shoots a glance at the older boy, urging him with his every strength to play along.

 

‘Uh,’ Mark starts, and Donghyuck feels his heart drop to the very pits of hell, ‘Yeah? I won’t say anything?’

 

Jeno sighs, resigned, ‘Whatever, the damage is done anyway.’

 

‘Sorry?’ Donghyuck tries, ‘I wasn’t thinking - please don’t be mad.’

 

'It’s okay, really,’ Jeno says softly, and Donghyuck curses himself silently. Twelve years and he’s still an asshole to the one person he likes.

 

Mark glances at Donghyuck before ensuring Jeno again, 'I really won’t say anything.’

 

Jeno smiles, ‘Yeah, hyung, I get it, I trust you.’

 

The three stand in a somewhat awkward silence for about three seconds (Donghyuck blames Mark), before the oldest boy nods (awkwardly), and says (awkwardly), ‘Well, I’ll be on my way, uh, see you at school?’

 

Just as he’s about to walk past Donghyuck, the brunette bends down to whisper in his ear, ‘Are you okay with this?’

 

Donghyuck’s heart skips a beat, and he wills it to die before lying softly, ‘Yeah.’

 

Mark nods again and walks off, but Donghyuck doesn’t think that he believes him. He wouldn’t believe himself either.

 

Jeno’s started talking again, but the shorter boy can’t bring himself to pay attention. He’s touched by Mark’s concern, really - but the older boy made a good point. Donghyuck wasn’t okay with anything. 

 

\---

 

‘What was that all about? I didn’t know you two were so close,’ Jeno grins when they get back to the dorms, 'Is there something going on between you two?’

 

Donghyuck pushes him off the bed and tries to smother him with a cushion. 

 

_ He’s so fucked _ .

  
  



	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> noren becomes a thing, hyuck gets hurt, mark finds him - it's all one big coincidence

Sometimes Donghyuck gets carried away in his daydreams. Sometimes he’s in a world of vampires and Jeno is the vampire and Donghyuck is the hunter, and they have a forbidden dangerous romance. Or sometimes he dreams of a world where all his friends are idols, and they’ve debuted in a k-pop group and he and Jeno have a forbidden dangerous romance. Or there’s a zombie apocalypse and he and Jeno have a forbidden dangerous romance. Or Jeno’s modern royalty and Donghyuck is his servant and they have a forbidden dangerous romance. Or sometimes they’re even space cowboys and they have an intergalactic, dangerous forbidden romance. 

Donghyuck sees the pattern of forbidden and impossible, but he’s too pathetic to call himself out on it. Years of pining will do that to you. 

He doesn’t like to think himself as lovesick, but there’s really no other word to describe him. Unrequited crushes aren’t healthy, there’s no doubt about that. Donghyuck’s gained at least 5 kilos with all the chocolate and ice-cream he’s gorged after all the times Jeno’s broken his heart. Honestly, he’s gonna go into cardiac arrest one day - if not because of Jeno’s visuals, then it’s gonna be because of the junk food he binges.

It’s really quite a lose-lose situation. Donghyuck gets his heart broken on a regular basis and he gets more and more unhealthy with each heartbreak. It’s really not fair, especially since the instigator gets to get away pimple-free, fat-free, and scot-free.

‘Hyuck, listen,’ Jeno groans, his perfectly-sculpted nose pressed flat against his school desk, ‘There’s no chance he’s going to even accept me.’

‘There’s a chance he’ll accept you,’ Donghyuck says after a few seconds of silence on his part. It’s really not his fault that he much prefers staring out the window than staring at Jeno.

‘Thanks, I think?’ 

The ugly side of Donghyuck’s brain wakes, and he doesn’t stop himself in time, ‘And also laugh in your face and upload the prank video to Youtube.’

‘Hyuck,’ Jeno groans, ‘Really not helping.’

Donghyuck continues because he’s a dramatic asshole, ‘Does he have a Youtube channel? He should have a Youtube channel, he’d be pretty popular.’

‘Hyuck…’

‘At least 3 million subs,’ the red-head continues, even as his stomach swirls uncomfortably, ‘Imagine the views, Jeno.’

‘Donghyuck, please stop,’ Jeno sighs, ‘This is serious.’

The shorter boy winces at the use of his real name, a lump growing in his throat and he coughs stiffly, ‘Yeah, no, sorry man, I get it.’

‘Do you?’ Jeno sighs morosely, ‘You’ve practically never been into anyone.’

‘That’s not necessarily true,’ Donghyuck quips as nonchalantly as possible, even as his heart beats uncomfortably in his chest, ‘I’m a very secretive guy, you know.’

Jeno snorts disbelievingly, his long fingers drumming quietly against his desk, ‘I’m sure you are.’

‘You don’t know me,’ Donghyuck adds, leaning back on his chair’s back legs, ‘You don’t know my story. You haven’t been in my shoes.’

‘Actually, I -’

‘I’m your worst nightmare,’ the redhead forces a laugh out, ‘I hold secrets that can destroy our world.’

Donghyuck like to pretend he’s being dramatic, but even as he says the words he knows that it’s true. His secrets could destroy his relationship with Jeno - Jeno who was, quite honestly, Donghyuck’s world.

(He’s being dramatic.)

\-----

(He’s dramatic for a reason.)

Donghyuck’s world falls apart slowly, but all at once. It doesn’t happen until lunch when Donghyuck is sitting across the table from the other boy and Jeno’s staring at Renjun without hesitance. Jisung sits on the grass, complaining about his homework. Donghyuck tries not to notice how Jeno’s gaze never leaves Renjun’s silhouette.

‘Injunnie looks so pretty today,’ Jeno sighs in a way that Donghyuck thinks makes him look like a fucking doof. 

Donghyuck feels sick in the stomach, so he starts singing Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead.

Jisung grumbles over his English homework.

Jeno sighs again, blowing air over a stray strand of hair, ‘I just want to cuddle his face.’

‘Ding-dong,’ Donghyuck hums loudly, ‘The witch is dead.’

Jisung hisses from his spot on the ground, ‘Jeno-hyung, tell Donghyuck to shut the fuck off.’

Donghyuck smugly thinks Jisung deserves to sit on the floor.

‘Mhm,’ Jeno says in reply, his gaze apparently fixed on where two Chinese students were standing, ‘When do you think Injunnie and Chenle are gonna get here?’

Donghyuck sings even louder.

‘Donghyuck,’ Jisung hisses again - like the snake Donghyuck knows he is, ‘I swear to all things holy, I will fucking choke you if you don’t stop singing.’

Donghyuck ignores him because Renjun and Chenle are walking over, and the uncomfortable churning in his stomach just got stronger.

‘What’s happening?’ Renjun asks amusedly, sliding onto the bench next to Jeno.

Jeno blushes bright red and Donghyuck averts his gaze to Chenle. His heart thuds heavily against his chest.

‘Ding-dong,’ he murmurs, ‘The wicked witch is dead.’

Jisung sneers again, ‘Ding-Donghyuck here won’t shut his mouth, and it’s killing my essay.’

Chenle laughs, his voice reaching an incredible level of high, ‘Ding-Donghyuck! That was good!’

‘I’ve written ‘which’ as ‘witch’ so many bloody times,’ Jisung shoves his book under Donghyuck’s nose, ‘Do you see this shit?’

Rolling his eyes, Donghyuck gingerly pushes the book away, ‘That’s not my fault, you’re just an awkward, clumsy noodle.’ 

Renjun lets out a little laugh, and Donghyuck can’t help but notice the way Jeno lights up at the sound. The redhead feels his blood turn to tar and his heart thuds heavily again. There are a million thoughts in his head, and yet he can’t describe a single one of them.

‘Speaking of awkward,’ the Chinese boy grins, ‘I just saw Mark-hyung turn down a girl after class.’

‘Again?’ Chenle groans, ‘That’s like the seventh time this month, honestly.’

‘Eighth, actually,’ Jisung snorts, gaze still stuck on his book, ‘There was that college guy like two days ago.’

‘The college guy who’s friends with Lucas? No, hyung said that was some weird prank,’ Jeno says, nudging Donghyuck softly with his foot, ‘Right, Hyuck?’

Donghyuck ignores him because he is busy not noticing Jeno and Renjun’s incredibly close stature. He isn’t noticing Jeno’s hand on the Chinese boy’s thigh either, or the way that Renjun seems to be leaning into the taller boy and -

‘-hyuck,’ Jeno is saying, ‘You good? You seem off.’

Blinking out of his reverie, Donghyuck nods slowly, ‘Yes, I’m extremely well.’

Jisung scoffs, ‘Oh goodie, he’s finally lost it.’ 

Chenle lets out a high-pitched cackle in return.

‘Are you sure?’ Jeno frowns, his perfect eyebrows furrowing, ‘You’ve been really quiet.’

Donghyuck ignores Jisung’s snarkily commenting, ‘If this is quiet, then him being loud would end the world.’ Instead, he focuses on the mole below Jeno’s right eye and how the other boy’s eyelashes would flutter against his cheeks every now and then.

‘I’m fine,’ Donghyuck replies calmly, taking out a container of sushi, ‘Life’s great. I’m chill.’

‘That’s a lie,’ an annoyingly familiar voice laughs, ‘Hyuck is never chill.’

One Na Jaemin appears, just to shove Donghyuck and steals one of his California rolls, a blinding grin plastered on his face, ‘Life is never great either.’

Chenle screams, ‘Preach it!’ and even Jisung-the-grouch lets out a little laugh.

‘And,’ Jaemin continues around a mouthful of sushi, ‘By proxy that means Hyuck is lying and should tell us what’s wrong before I start digging.’

Gripping his chopsticks a bit tighter, Donghyuck tries to change the topic, ‘Stop eating my fucking food, you bum. What are you, starved?’

‘Fuck you,’ Jaemin grins, even as Donghyuck slaps his hand away from his container, ‘I guess that means I’ll just have to start digging.’

‘You’ll be digging your own grave soon,’ Donghyuck mutters melodramatically, mainly because Jaemin’s an ass and a little bit because his threats always make Jeno laugh.

Renjun lets out a little laugh as well, and Donghyuck watches as hearts replace the space of which Jeno’s eyes used to occupy. He grips his chopsticks tightly, willing every muscle in his body not to stab himself in the eyes.

‘Speaking of graves,’ Jisung starts, ‘Can anyone help me with English before I throw myself into one?’

Jeno laughs and starts talking about his last English final, but Donghyuck can’t bring himself to pay attention. The other boy is making weird gestures and telling bad jokes, but all Donghyuck can see are the crinkles around Jeno’s eyes and how his voice is really soft and really nice and how he would do absolutely anything to even just -

‘Renjunnie-hyung, where are you going?’ Chenle cuts off his train of thought. Donghyuck snaps out of his daze in time to see Jeno gazing after the said Chinese student like a lost puppy. 

Renjun calls back some vague answer about bins, and Donghyuck focuses back on Jeno’s expression. Dolefully, he wonders if he looks at Jeno like that. It’s a wonder that everyone else in their group has no clue about his crush on the other boy. His own friends’ ignorance and obliviousness marvel him sometimes.

‘Hyuck, tell Jeno to stop being a chicken,’ Jaemin pokes at Donghyuck’s face with a finger.

‘What?’ he says, resisting the urge to turn around and bite down hard.

Jisung rolls his eyes, ‘Jeno-hyung’s being a wimp about asking Renjun-hyung out. You should zone out less, you know. It’s not good for your brain’

‘What?’ he says again because he’s usually very eloquent - just not at the moment.

‘Hyuck,’ Jeno whines, his nose scrunching up briefly (Donghyuck’s heart cries out in pain), ‘We’ve already talked about this. You know. Me asking Injunnie out and stuff.’

Breathing out softly, Donghyuck thinks about all the times that they (read: Jeno) have talked about Renjun. He doesn’t even want to touch on the times he’s literally fallen asleep to Jeno ranting about Renjun’s supposed ‘extraordinarily breathtaking visuals’.

‘I wasn’t informed that literally everyone else in the group knew about it too,’ he says, contemplating the thought of flopping down off the bench and onto the ground and burying his head into the dirt.

Jeno shoves his face into his elbow and mutters awkwardly into his sleeve, ‘You told Mark-hyung anyway, so I thought, y’know, who cares?’

‘You do,’ Chenle points out, sipping out of a bottle of banana milk. Donghyuck thinks Chenle really fits his toddler image - loud, likes banana milk, babbles, happy all the time.

‘Just do it, whatever,’ Donghyuck murmurs, trying to stop the steadily rising beat of his heart. 

‘Donghyuck, ever the helpful soul,’ Jaemin laughs, putting his arm around Donghyuck’s shoulders. The gesture is somewhat comforting, like there’s still someone who’s on his side, and for a second, Donghyuck feels the need to put all his secrets out in the open.

Morbidly, Donghyuck thinks he’s at a point where he’d do anything to stop his heart from hurting.

‘Yeah, really not helping, Hyuck,’ Jeno groans, his voice somewhat muffled because he’s stuffed his face onto the table, ‘I need positivity right now.’

Rolling his eyes, Donghyuck forgoes his hammering heart in leaning forward and offering Jeno his last piece of sushi. 

‘You can do it,’ he drones in monotone, ‘I believe in you.’

Jeno rolls his eyes as he chews, cheeks bloated and like Alvin (the Chipmunk, Donghyuck’s brain helpfully adds, Alvin the singing Chipmunk). It’s still cute and Donghyuck turns his gaze away, only to meet the questioning look of one Huang Renjun.

‘What is this thing that Jeno is going to do that everyone but me knows?’ he asks. Donghyuck thinks he’s being ignorant on purpose.

Jeno chokes on his sushi. Jaemin turns to give him the Heimlich maneuver. Chenle keeps eating and Jisung does his homework.

Renjun turns to Donghyuck - because life is an ass, and karma is a fucking bitch - and asks, ‘Donghyuck? What’s happening?’

And because life is an ass and karma is a bitch, but Donghyuck is a masochist, he replies as calmly as he can, ‘Jeno’s asking his crush out.’

Jeno chokes on air this time. Jaemin sighs. Chenle swallows his food and Jisung turns a page.

A perfectly-trimmed eyebrow raises, ‘And who is this crush?’

‘No,’ Jeno chokes out.

‘Yes,’ Jaemin grins.

Donghyuck shrugs and wishes his beating heart to just wilt. He’s bitter, sure, but an asshole? To Jeno? Not in a million years.

‘Yes,’ Jeno sighs in relief.

‘You,’ Jaemin says, pointing to the older Chinese student.

‘No!’ Jeno chokes again.

Donghyuck’s heart grows heavy as he watches Renjun’s eyes grow wide and the resentment that’s been in his head makes its way into his heart. He can taste his own bitter distress at the back of his throat, his mouth dry and jaw permanently clenched. He can barely hear anything over the screaming of ‘no’s’ in his brain, except maybe Renjun’s stuttered, ‘M-me?’ and Jeno’s soft, ‘Yeah.’

Chenle’s screaming something that sounds like ‘Congratulations’ and Donghyuck doesn’t even want to think, and his heart is beating so fast it hurts. His lip is probably bleeding from how hard he’s been biting it, and his hands are either bleeding from his nails or extremely sweaty. His ears ring louder and the couple is hugging and Donghyuck thinks fuck this and runs.

He blurts out some shit excuse about meeting a professor and runs with his metaphorical tail between his legs.

Fight or flight? More like lie and fucking die.

He doesn’t know where he’s going, or what he’s going to do, but he just keeps running. 

\--- 

Donghyuck’s phone dies at exactly 6.37pm. Or rather, his music stopped at sunset and Donghyuck is too lazy and too heartbroken to check if his phone is actually dead. He shudders to think about the messages Jeno must be sending him. 

He’s fine really - he’ll just need some time. It’ll be worse for all of them if Donghyuck was moody and heartbroken - especially if he wants the trip at the end of the year to go well. His plans for the trip have gone down the drain as well. All his plans to hang out with Jeno - cuddling, movie watching, beach walking, everything - have been hung, drawn and quartered. Heartbreak’s a fucking merriment, especially since even Donghyuck’s subconscious wants his heart to die. 

Two hours of walking and not thinking, and guess where Donghyuck finds himself? At the very neighbourhood he and Jeno first met - the playground, to be specific. If he was of sound mind, Donghyuck might even find it fucking hilarious, but since his heart’s been torn into about twelve pieces, all he can think about is how much he wants to cry.

‘Donghyuck?’ A voice cuts through the night, ‘What’re you doing here?’

Throwing his head back, Donghyuck watches an upside-down Mark Lee walking towards him. The lighting may be shit, but the younger boy swears he can see a pitying look on the older’s face.

‘Sup,’ he greets, neck still bent an awkward angle, ‘Could ask you the same thing.’

Mark lets out a small laugh as he stops next to Donghyuck, ‘I just got off work. I, uh, usually take the bus, but I missed the 7-o’clock one, so, yeah.’

‘Okay,’ Donghyuck says, his head falling forward as he stares ahead again, ‘That’s cool.’

He tries to ignore the sympathetic glances the other boy is shooting him and keeps rocking the swing back and forth.

‘I’m okay,’ Donghyuck says after a minute of swinging, ‘You know. With the thing.’

He hears Mark shifting quietly. The creaking of the swing fills the park.

‘Okay,’ Mark says awkwardly, a bit too late for it to be casual, ‘I’m happy to hear that.’

‘Yeah, so you can go back to the dorms,’ Donghyuck continues, ‘I’ll go back later.’

‘If you want.’

Donghyuck nods, ‘Yeah.’

Mark doesn’t move. Donghyuck keeps swinging. The latter tries not to think about what would be happening back at the dorms. 

Jeno would be so happy right now, and Renjun too. The two would probably be cuddling or making out somewhere, being in an ugly lovestruck bubble. Jeno’s eyes are probably stuck in the stupid cute crescents, and Donghyuck thinks he’d have the brightest smile on his face. Donghyuck used to be the one to give him that smile, but that’s probably Renjun’s job now. Everything’s going to be different, and god, how is he going to survive the trip?

‘Donghyuck…’ Mark’s largely unwanted voice cuts through his angst session again.

‘What?’ he snaps, eyes and throat burning.

‘You’re crying.’

Gingerly, Donghyuck’s fingers touch his face to find that yes, his eyes are leaking. 

‘No,’ he hiccups, because he may be weak, but he’s not acknowledging it, ‘No, I’m not, fuck you.’

‘Shit, you’re really crying,’ Mark’s no longer leaning on the swing’s poles now, his eyes open in disbelief, ‘Shit, Donghyuck, are you okay?’

‘Fuck you,’ Donghyuck says through tears, ‘I’m not crying, you’re crying, I’m fucking fine.’

The older boy is crouched in front of him now, his eyes stupidly wide in genuine concern, and Donghyuck is almost touched.

‘Donghyuck, you’re not fine,’ he says - quite unnecessarily in Donghyuck’s opinion.

‘Fuck off,’ Donghyuck tries to say, but it's garbled - so he gives up, throws his chin down, and whimpers with his head bent at another awkward angle.

‘Do you want a, I don’t know, a hug or something?’ Mark asks awkwardly, and if Donghyuck wasn’t hysterical, he’d punch the other boy.

After a few seconds of blubbering from Donghyuck’s side and unhelpful staring from Mark, the older boy puts his arms around Donghyuck’s head and pats awkwardly.

‘There, there,’ he says, ‘It’ll be okay.’

An uncontrollable giggle breaks through Donghyuck’s sniffles, and the redhead is almost certain he’s lost it. Fluctuating between sobbing and crying? May as well sign him up to a therapist for just his mood swings.

‘You’re shit at this,’ he makes sure to tell the older boy when he stops laugh-crying.

Mark slowly lets go of his head, taking a few steps back, ‘I know, I’m sorry, I’m just awkward.’

‘You are,’ Donghyuck says because it’s true. He’s an ass, especially when he’s sad, but at least he’s honest, ‘Are you going to go back to school?’

Looking at him like he’s started crying again, Mark sputters, ‘After that? No? I’m not a dick, Donghyuck.’

‘Well I’m just gonna sit here and sulk, so do whatever,’ Donghyuck says, even though he really doesn’t want to stay at a place where he’s basically had a mental breakdown.

‘No, Donghyuck, that’s not-’ Mark’s ramble is cut off as Donghyuck’s stomach makes its emergence, letting out an embarrassingly loud growl.

Donghyuck fights the urge to hide his face for about three seconds before giving in and shoving the palms of his hands into his eyes. Nothing quite like humiliation to end the day with.

Mark lets out a quiet chuckle before holding a hand out in front of Donghyuck’s face, ‘We can get some food.’

Donghyuck stares at the offered hand, briefly wondering if it’d be rude if he holds onto it, falls, and takes the other down with him.

‘But, if you don’t want to,’ Mark says hastily, drawing his hand back, ‘It’s fine - I just thought that you’d be, y’know, hungry, and the street market’s only a bit away, so I thought -’

Mustering up the last of his strength, Donghyuck stands up next to him, ‘Only if you’re paying.’

Mark looks back at him with such stupor Donghyuck is kind of flattered.

‘Uh, yeah, o-of course,’ the older boy stutters, ‘Let’s, um, let’s go.’

Donghyuck nods, letting the other boy lead the way. He doesn’t know where they’re going - just trusting that Mark won’t lead him into some dodgy alley to knock him out and sell his kidneys. It’s weird that he was so blindly following the guy when they’ve talked about eight times their entire friendship. Donghyuck’s always been with Jeno - it’d always been the two of them, even after the squad formed. 

Should he have put more effort into friendships that weren’t with just Jeno? Probably. It’s his dependence on the guy that’s gotten him into this anyway. If only Donghyuck hadn’t fallen in love at the tender age of five - maybe he’d be best friends with Jisung and dating Rihanna.

Coughing into his elbow awkwardly, Donghyuck tries not to start crying again. It’d only be pathetic if he broke down again - plus he doesn’t know if he’d be able to stand up again. Maybe he’ll just laze around on the ground onto Mark gets sick with him and leaves. That’ll be fun.

And because he’s a masochist, Donghyuck starts looking around him for places to dump his sad, heartbroken body. There weren’t any people on the dimly lit streets - it was probably around 8 pm - so if he just collapsed, no one but Mark would know. The older boy could probably kill him and eat his dead body and no one would know. Donghyuck doesn’t like how calm he is about the idea.

‘Donghyuck, do you know you think out loud?’ 

Donghyuck shakes out of his reverie to meet Mark’s somewhat amused gaze. 

Fuck, he thinks.

‘Fuck,’ he says out loud, drawing soft laughter from the other boy.

‘It’s okay,’ Mark chuckles, ‘I ramble too.’

Donghyuck opens his mouth to claim that it’s not rambling, but the Canadian cuts him off again.

‘We’re here,’ he says, pointing at an alleyway blocked by a bunch of boxes. Donghyuck can hear the loud chatter of people, and the faint outline of colourful lights.

‘You know,’ Donghyuck says still, ‘Killing me in an alley’s not actually a suggestion-’

Mark laughs and starts to climb over the boxes, ‘It’s a shortcut, Donghyuck. I work here.’

Watching open-mouthed, Donghyuck scrambles to follow. He’s not completely unfit, but man, his legs are really lacking. 

The ridiculousness of the situation hits him as he almost falls off another box. Here he was, climbing through some alleyway after Mark Lee because his best friend Jeno broke his heart by asking their mutual friend Renjun out. 

‘Hurry up,’ Mark says, already on two feet. His silhouette is lit by the dazzle of a night market behind him, and Donghyuck can already hear the children screaming.

‘I just had my heart broken for the final time,’ Donghyuck snaps half-heartedly, trying to wrestle his foot out from between two crates, ‘Cut me some goddamn slack.’

‘Sorry,’ Mark says, but Donghyuck can hear that he’s not even half-genuine. After a final tug, Donghyuck looks up to see that they’ve climbed into the back of a cafe. Mark’s already up and gone, talking to some waiter by the side, where some customers are giving them the stink-eye. 

Hobbling awkwardly towards him, Donghyuck almost trips over a little girl lying face-down on the ground.

‘Ha, big mood,’ he says, before catching himself and apologising to the kid’s parents.

They glare at him and Donghyuck awkwardly turns around to leave. Children may be bad, but their parents are another story. Jeno never agreed with him - he’s always been the pure, loving child, the complete opposite to Donghyuck. The redhead coughs again, swallowing down another wail of angst. 

‘Mark,’ he hisses instead, shoving his feelings into a deep hole, ‘Mark, was that even legal?’

The said boy turns around with a bright grin, ‘Course. I, uh, work here.’

He gestures to the waiter he was talking to, ‘This is Doyoung-hyung. He also works here.’

‘I can see that,’ Donghyuck mutters, but smiles grimly anyway because he’s supposed to be polite, ‘I’m Donghyuck, nice to meet you.’

‘Nice to meet you, Donghyuck,’ the guy says, smile widening, ‘It’s nice to meet Mark’s other friends.’

Nodding, Donghyuck tries to keep a smile on his face, ‘Likewise.’

Mark stands awkwardly between the two. Doyoung’s smile stays as wide as ever.  
‘Um, Donghyuck and I are gonna go sit,’ Mark says, stumbling a bit over his feet as he drags the younger to a table, ‘See ya.’

‘I didn’t know we were the side-bitches,’ Donghyuck says after they’re out of Doyoung’s hearing radius, ‘Kinda offended.’

Mark trips and falls ungracefully into his chair, ‘What? No, wait - what?’

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, sitting down on the other side of the table, ‘I always thought you were too busy to hang out with us, not that you had other friends.’

‘I don’t know if you’re insulting my abilities to make friends or complimenting my work schedule,’ the other boy mutters.

‘Both,’ Donghyuck says, ignoring the other’s affronted look, ‘What’s good here anyway?’

Here is referring to a somewhat large stall located smack-bang in the middle of the city’s night market. The actual stall is some fusion between a restaurant and a cafe - it was too laid-back to be a restaurant but too formal to be a cafe. The furnishing was unapologetically loud.  
Donghyuck picks at the edge of their neon green table passively, eyes trying not to rest on the other boy’s face. He hadn’t noticed before, but Mark was still wearing his work shirt - the same shirt that Doyoung had been wearing. The boy is obviously tired after school and work, and now Donghyuck’s forced him to accompany him through his teenage angst.

Donghyuck’s nails cut into his palms, a sharp stab of anxiety spasming through his body. How could he have been so selfish? The older boy has his own life too. Jeno has his own life as well - how can Donghyuck be so upset over his own best friend being happy? He hates that he’s so selfish - so wrapped up in his own heart that he can’t even be happy for the other.

‘-uck. Donghyuck,’ Mark’s voice brings the boy back from his daze, ‘What do you want?’

Donghyuck stares blankly, ‘What?’

Mark gestures to the waiter standing over their table, ‘You should order something.’

Panicking slightly, Donghyuck picks up the menu and reads the first thing he sees out loud, ‘French toast?’

The waiter scribbles it down and walks off, but not before he bends down to whisper something in Mark’s ear. Donghyuck watches as the older boy rolls his eyes and the way he seems more comfortable in the restaurant than he ever was with his group of friends.

‘That was Doyoung’s boyfriend,’ Mark says, ‘He’s a bum.’

‘He seems cool,’ Donghyuck adds half-heartedly, ‘You know you don’t have to keep me company, right? I’ll be fine, really. You’re probably really tired too.’

Mark glances at him before answering softly, ‘I’m more worried about you, really.’

‘Thanks,’ Donghyuck snorts because he can’t help himself, ‘I bet no one else is.’

‘Donghyuck…’

‘It’s fine,’ the younger boy continues, ‘I’m fine.’

Mark’s eyebrows furrow as he opens his mouth to talk. Donghyuck ignores him, opting to talk over the other boy.

‘Actually, do you know what french toast is?’ he asks, ‘Is it good? What did you order?’

The older boy shoots him one last concerned look, but accepts the change of topic anyway, ‘It’s like bread with eggs and milk but-’

Donghyuck sighs a breath of relief as the other boy rambles on. Awkward conversation successfully evaded. 

The two sit relatively silently, even though Donghyuck knows the other boy is glancing at him every two seconds. The waiter comes back with their food, and Donghyuck only watches as Mark and Doyoung’s boyfriend have a somewhat heated debate about something. It takes one last hiss from Mark and a push for the other guy to leave, but Donghyuck isn’t even paying attention anymore. Instead, he keeps his head down and focuses on his food. 

Mark doesn’t even try to start a conversation - probably too busy eating - and Donghyuck relaxes in the silence that follows. (Well, about as silent as it can get with two dozen other customers.) Somewhere to their right, a baby starts crying.

Donghyuck systematically shoves the food into his mouth, barely even noticing as he finishes the last bite. Looking up, he sees that Mark’s awkwardly sitting in silence, the older boy’s gazing everywhere but at Donghyuck.

‘Do you want to head back?’ Mark says when he finally realises that Donghyuck is done, ‘It’s getting pretty late.’

Donghyuck hesitates to reply, his otherwise dead heart speeding up impressively. He wants to say yes, but the selfish part of his brain screams no. Would he be able to handle Jeno and Renjun? Definitely not. Donghyuck’s all for confidence, but the one thing he has no confidence in is his own heart and its putridly weak walls.

As if noticing his hesitance, Mark continues unflinchingly, ‘We could go play some games before though. They look fun.’

‘Good idea,’ Donghyuck replies, the heavy beat of his heart relaxing slightly, ‘I’ll kick your ass.’

Standing up, Mark snorts, ‘I’m sure you can try.’

‘No, seriously,’ the younger boy says, also standing up to leave, ‘You’re going to lose everything.’

Pausing slightly, Mark reaches to wipe something off the corner of Donghyuck’s mouth. 

‘You had something there,’ he says awkwardly. Donghyuck stumbles slightly, his heart stuttering as he almost falls. 

‘Come on,’ Mark says as he walks up to the counter to pay, ‘I want to try my hand at ring toss.’

‘I bet I can get more on than you,’ Donghyuck says as he hurries to catch up.

‘You can try,’ Mark laughs quietly, shooting off a quiet goodbye to Doyoung.

Nodding at the waiter, Donghyuck replies confidently, ‘I bet you’ll lose everything but air-hockey.’

(Donghyuck prides himself on his assumption that all Canadians are probably good at all forms of hockey.)

\---

It turns out that Mark wins at everything but air hockey.

Donghyuck huffs, clutching a basketball to his chest as he glares at the game operator, ‘This game is botched.’

Mark snorts from behind him, ‘It’s not, you’re just bad.’

‘Shut up,’ Donghyuck hisses, ‘If you didn’t beat me in everything but air-hockey, you would not be saying that right now.’

‘I could beat you in air-hockey too,’ Mark says. Donghyuck growls lowly. The older boy was so polite and nice too before he won at every single game.

‘You know, at your rate, you won’t even get the smallest prize,’ Mark laughs, and Donghyuck hisses and shoves the basketball in the other boy’s direction.

‘You do it then,’ he retorts indignantly. The other boy laughs again and Donghyuck barely resists the urge to smother him to death.

He watches as Mark lines up the shot, shoots, and gets it in.

The older boy turns around smugly, and Donghyuck rolls his eyes, ‘Beginner’s luck.’

Mark turns around, shoots, and gets it in again.

‘Coincidence,’ Donghyuck counters.

And so the older boy laughs, turning around to shoot, only to score. Again.

Donghyuck doesn’t even stay around to see Mark’s smug look - he turns around immediately and stalks off.

The Canadian’s laughter echoes in Donghyuck’s ears, and he doesn’t even need to turn around to know the other boy was probably smirking at him.

‘It’s not my fault you’re just bad,’ Mark grins.

Donghyuck ignores him, choosing to stalk indignantly towards an ice-cream stand. 

‘Hey, I even got you something to remember this day by,’ Mark says, holding out the ugliest possible plush ever. 

‘What the fuck is that?’ Donghyuck asks - he thinks it’s a chicken, but it could also be a duck or a tyrannosaurus. 

‘It’s a duck,’ Mark laughs, ‘Isn’t it cute?’

‘It’s hideous,’ Donghyuck replies, before turning back to the ice-cream, ‘What do you want?’

‘Ice-cream at,’ Mark pauses, glancing at his watch, ‘11.30pm?’

Donghyuck shrugs, focusing on the guy behind the counter, ‘Two scoops of cookies and cream ice-cream in one cup please.’

‘In one cup?’ Mark questions again, ‘And how did you know I liked cookies and cream?’

Donghyuck snorts, handing over a wad of cash, ‘It’s cheaper and everyone likes cookies and cream.’

The older boy grabs two spoons before adding nonchalantly, ‘Oh, yeah, by the way, the last bus home leaves in 15 minutes.’

Doing a double-take, Donghyuck gapes exasperated, ‘And you didn’t feel the need to tell me?’

The other boy reaches for the ice-cream, but Donghyuck swiftly moves it out of the way. 

Mark pouts slightly, ‘I thought you didn’t want to, uh, go back?’

Sighing, Donghyuck bites down a complaint, ‘I didn’t want to stay out all night either.’

‘Let’s go then,’ Mark says, still clutching onto his plushie and tugging on Donghyuck’s sleeve, ‘We don’t want to miss the bus.’

Donghyuck follows the other boy, weaving through the crowd of the market. The neon signs are still flashing, but the number of people present is significantly less than when they first arrived. There’s a group of teenagers - probably around his age - making a ruckus in one of the game stalls and Donghyuck can see a few elderly couples browsing the shops. And apparently its date night (as if Donghyuck wasn’t bitter enough) because almost all the customers are couples. He accidentally makes eye contact with some random guy, trying not to notice how even that random guy had a boyfriend. 

Plaintively, Donghyuck thinks that Jeno would love the atmosphere here. In fact, he’d love it so much, he’d probably bring Renjun here on a date. 

Donghyuck shoves his jealousy down, instead trying to focus on the direction Mark was headed. 

He doesn’t let himself think about it, not even as they get to the bus right before it's about to leave. He doesn’t think about it until he’s seated comfortably on the bus, panting from their sprint and avoiding Mark’s gaze. And then he just feels tired.

Not the tired you feel when you finish a marathon, but the tired that stabs you in the guts and leaves you out to bleed. Donghyuck feels his head start throbbing and his stomach starts twisting. He’s about to start crying before Mark speaks up again.

‘You know you can talk to me if you want, right?’

Despite his pounding heart and head, Donghyuck replied snarkily, ‘What, like my therapist?’

The older boy is looking straight ahead, but he smiles nonetheless, ‘If you need one, then yeah, I guess.’

Donghyuck gently thumps his head against the window, watching the lights from the market gradually fading away, ‘I’m in love with my best friend, not mentally unstable.’

‘I wouldn’t know, really,’ Mark says, almost wistfully, ‘But my offer still stands.’

Humming half-heartedly, Donghyuck returns his attention to the window. It’s almost midnight, so there’s barely anyone out on the streets, bar from a few stragglers walking towards the market. The are no stars in the sky; clouds have failed to blanket the sky - instead, it’s sporadic, chaotic like Donghyuck’s state of mind. He can’t see the moon, except a faint glow peeking around a cloud.

Donghyuck’s eyelids grow heavy and he struggles to keep them open. He has to stay awake, or he’ll probably miss the stop.

‘You can sleep if you want,’ Mark suddenly says from beside him, ‘I’ll wake you when we get there.’

Donghyuck barely has enough energy to murmur a ‘thanks’ before his eyelids flutter close.

The last thing he remembers in his consciousness is wishing with all his might that the whole day was just a realistic nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow almost 6k of pure fuckery yes pls. i hope this makes up for the two weeks of nought lmao
> 
> poor hyuck, amirite. we need more donghyuck appreciation tbh. not enough people are loving him, esp w/ touch??? like???? um he’s so soft, appreciate him????
> 
> sidenote: jaemin knows everything. even stuff i haven't touched on. does mark like donghyuck? does jeno know about donghyuck’s crush? i dunno, but jaemin does.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeno’s an oblivious, concerned asshole. donghyuck cries again. 
> 
> mark is there. 
> 
> again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shitttt this took way longer than i thought and it’s still utter crap lmao. just think of it as a shitty naruto filler when reading

The days before break are weird. Donghyuck no longer texts Jeno good morning or good night (He’s got Renjun, the boy thinks bitterly), and he doesn’t really hang out with the squad during lunch or dinner either (‘They’re not fun anyway,’ he tells Mark bitterly), and he gets to class too late to even sit near Jeno (‘You need to appreciate class more,’ Mark says somewhat bitterly when he finds out). 

 

He’d like to say he’s not even a little bit bitter, but even on the twelfth day after D’Day (‘Date-day’ Mark has nerdily coined it. Donghyuck prefers ‘Death-day’), Donghyuck is still bitterly watching the couple through the library window. It’s the five-stages of grief, Mark had said at the start - it’s all part of grievance and eventually, acceptance. Donghyuck had told him to kindly fuck off.

 

Donghyuck watches the group of friends as quietly as possible. He's hiding his face behind some weird manga about an octopus, ignoring the grumbling of his stomach and the quiet hyperventilation coming from Mark. Beside him, the older boy is almost ripping his hair out over some dumb graduation speech.

 

‘Ugh,’ the older boy groans, ‘I don’t want to graduate anymore.’

 

Mark continues to pull at his hair, and Donghyuck watches in amusement as the other boy’s face stretches deformedly.

 

‘Maybe you should take a break,’ he starts, ‘Eat some food.’’

 

The Canadian boy throws his face onto the desk, a loud bang resounding through the library. A few freshmen girls behind them start giggling annoyingly into their dainty little hands. 

 

Donghyuck turns around to glare at them, but they just chatter more. One of the girls take out their phones and starts texting, fingers moving rapidly over the screen. Donghyuck is reminded of all the times he’s spammed the group chat with stories of other people - the group chat that he hasn’t opened in a week now. 

 

It’s not loneliness he’s feeling, not really. After all, he’s got Mark, and even if the older boy isn’t as loud or hyperactive as Chenle or Jaemin, the older boy’s presence is still welcome company. It’s just a sort of want - a need - for social interaction. Donghyuck curses the extrovert in him - it means that he misses his friends, especially one that goes by the name of Lee Jeno.

 

Jeno is watching something (someone: Renjun, Donghyuck’s mind immediately provides) with a smile on his face; eyes curled into crescents. His platinum-blonde hair is fluttering softly in the wind, his skin glowing in the sun. Renjun has Chenle in a headlock at the side, and Donghyuck can almost imagine the sound as Jeno laughs brightly at the side. He misses the boy, and even though being in his presence makes him want to shove his heart into a blender, Donghyuck is hit with an overwhelming wave of longing.

 

He knows he should probably try to face his fears, but as Master Yoda once said, ‘Do or do not, there is no try.’ (Donghyuck hates Star Wars, actually. The only reason he knows about Yoda is that Jeno went through a phase in grade five.) His stomach churns stronger in hunger - and nervousness.

  
  


After about 4 more minutes of groaning and giggling from Mark and the girls respectively, Donghyuck musters up all his courage, shoves their things into his bag, and drags the older boy out of the library and into the sun. 

 

‘I hate freshmen,’ Donghyuck hisses, instead of giving a reasonable explanation, ‘And I’m hungry, and Jisung has fried rice.’

 

Mark, seemingly snapping out of a daze, blinks confusedly, ‘But Jeno and Renjun-’

 

He’s cut off by a familiar shriek of ‘Donghyuck-hyung! Mark-hyung!’. The former looks to the group to spot a Chenle grinning brightly, hand waving enthusiastically over his head.

 

‘Hey guys,’ Mark smiles, previous comment completely forgotten, ‘What’s up?’

 

‘Nothing much,’ Jaemin replies with a grin, ‘Just talking about the trip, really.’

 

‘Chenle’s family apparently owns some giant mall at the place we’re going,’ Jisung says wide-eyed, ‘It’s actually insane.’

 

Chenle blushes but doesn’t disagree. Donghyuck snorts, ‘Sure is nice to be born rich. Some of us only have 50 bucks in our bank accounts.’

 

‘Everything’s paid for on the trip,’ Renjun points out, ‘We can go crazy in the mall.’

 

‘Wait, what? ’

 

Jaemin laughs at Donghyuck because he’s an ass, ‘You’d know this already if you’d bothered to show up to lunch for the past week.’

 

‘Shut up,’ Donghyuck turns to Chenle, ‘This isn’t a lie, right?’

 

Chenle shakes his head brightly, ‘Nah. We have our own bit of beach to chill on as well.’

 

Donghyuck blinks dumbly, ‘Why didn’t I know about this? I’ve been planning for years.’

 

It’s true. Ever since the trip’s been planned, Donghyuck’s been preparing to shoulder and elbow other people for even a bit of a good time. (The plans that are now way down the drain, thanks to Jeno and Renjun.)

 

‘Chenle told us like a week ago,’ Jisung rolls his eyes, opening his container of rice, ‘You don’t know because you’re dumb.’

 

‘Hey, I didn’t know either,’ Mark says, moving to sit down next to Jisung, ‘I’m not dumb, am I?’

 

‘You’ve been MIA though,’ Jisung points out, eyes glinting with accusation, ‘Both you and Hyuck have been acting weird.’

 

Donghyuck flinches involuntarily at the boy’s words, hiding his uneasiness by shifting from foot to foot and tapping a random beat on the table.

 

‘I’ve been the same,’ Mark says in all his obliviousness, ‘Dunno what you mean.’

 

‘We’ve barely seen the two of you,’ Renjun notes, his arms snaking its way around Jeno’s waist. Donghyuck quickly averts his gaze to Mark, only to meet the other boy’s concerned look. His heart jumps to his throat.

 

He looks away again, gaze now planted safely on Jisung’s ugly cakehole and the food he’s shoving in it, ‘I’ve just been following Mark around.’

 

Jaemin raises his eyebrows, but turns his attention to the eldest boy anyway, ‘What about you?’

 

Mark shrugs, ‘Grad speech, college, and work. Nothing big.’

 

‘Wow, seems hard,’ Jeno chirps good-heartedly, voice smooth, ‘I hope you’re not stressing too much, hyung.’

 

Donghyuck snorts, reaching uselessly at Jisung’s container of rice, ‘He’s starting to bald.’

 

Mark sighs disbelievingly, ‘The kids will actually believe you, you know.’

 

‘I know,’ Donghyuck says mischievously, fruitlessly grabbing at the container again, ‘You ass, just bloody give me some.’

 

‘Fuck no,’ Jisung grunts, moving his food out of reach, ‘Sit down and keep your fingers away from my rice.’

 

Sighing dramatically, Donghyuck gives up and flops heavily onto the ground next to Mark’s legs, ‘I’m fucking starving.’

 

Jeno’s soft laughter rings out, and Donghyuck can’t seem to stop his heart from spinning. Just thinking about the other boy makes Donghyuck feel sick - like the beginning of a bad cold. It’s like wanting to sneeze but never being able to. Donghyuck hates it. 

 

‘Hyuckie,’ the boy says, ‘Here, you can have my chips.’

 

A bag of salt and vinegar chips falls into Donghyuck’s lap as if Jeno was a God blessing him with fried potatoes.

 

‘Thanks,’ Donghyuck mutters, ignoring the flutter in his stomach. He’s going to die an early death at this rate.

 

‘Pass me some,’ Mark says, his hand landing haphazardly on Donghyuck’s head, ‘At least two big unbroken pieces.’

 

Donghyuck sneers, shoving the two good chips into the older boy’s leg. If it was anyone else, he would’ve given them the bird, but considering Mark has been tortured by his angsty presence every day for the past two weeks, Donghyuck settles with pettily spilling crumbs onto the other boy’s old Superstars. 

 

Mark’s hand doesn’t move from Donghyuck’s head, even as he reaches over with his other hand to take the food, ‘Thanks.’

 

‘Don’t mess my hair up,’ Donghyuck grumbles, shoving more chips into his mouth. 

 

Mark laughs at something Jaemin is saying but ruffles the younger boy’s hair anyway. Donghyuck is about to slap the offending hand away, but he accidentally spies Jeno and Renjun holding hands under the table and honestly, Donghyuck’s air intake stops a little. If the wrenching and twisting of his heart was bad from a distance, then it’s 400 times worse up close.

 

Donghyuck stops paying attention to the group conversation, his brain registering Chenle’s laughing but ignoring it. There’s a throb in his heart, and his stomach is still churning despite the chips he’s crammed down. Begrudgingly, Donghyuck thinks that he probably should’ve stayed in the library to avoid his pain and just let Mark finish his speech. Guilt washes over him - once again, he’s screwed up. He knows he can’t let himself screw Jeno’s relationship up either; Jeno would hate him and Donghyuck doesn’t know how he’d deal with that.

 

Out of nowhere, Jisung trips over his outstretched legs. Donghyuck finally notices the bell ringing, signalling the end of break.

 

‘Oh my god,’ Jisung grumbles, ‘Can you, like, get out of my way?’

 

Donghyuck sneers at him before throwing his hands up, ‘Someone help me up.’

 

The youngest boy hisses, carefully stepping around Donghyuck, ‘Fuck no, you lazy ass.’

 

A chuckle resounds from behind them, and Donghyuck’s heart starts beating against his chest as Jeno offers his hand, ‘Come on, Hyuck, we have math.’

 

Warily gripping Jeno’s arm and hauling himself upright, Donghyuck mutters a thanks without looking at the other boy. Renjun whispers something into Jeno’s ear, hand resting casually on his waist. Donghyuck looks away, shoulders tight and eyes hardened. Mark smiles sadly at him as Jeno walks away, and Donghyuck resigns himself to then constant embarrassment as he follows the blonde boy.

 

They’re almost at Donghyuck’s locker when Jeno breaks the silence that had fallen over the two.

 

‘Hey, Hyuck, you’re okay, right?’

 

Donghyuck looks at the other boy, half-surprised at the sudden question, ‘Um, yeah? Why?’

 

‘Dunno, you just,’ Jeno shrugs, but he keeps looking straight forward, ‘haven’t been around recently.’

 

Laughing awkwardly, Donghyuck tries to dismiss the topic, ‘I told you guys, I’ve been busy.’

 

‘You’ve been staying out late as well,’ Jeno continues, this time turning his head to look Donghyuck in the eye, ‘You even snuck back after curfew once.’

 

Donghyuck’s curiosity grows slightly. The two share a dorm even though Donghyuck’s been trying to get a room change for years. How would Jeno know about the time he’s getting back?

 

Jeno just snorts when Donghyuck voices his thoughts out loud, ‘Jaemin’s your roommate, what don’t I know?’

 

Jaemin’s a sweetheart, he is, but Donghyuck really wishes he’d learn to not talk about everything sometimes.

 

Donghyuck opens his locker with a clang, ‘I was out with Mark.’

 

‘That too. You barely even talked to him before,’ Jeno sighs, ‘I just feel like you’re not telling me something.’

 

Grabbing briskly at his textbooks, Donghyuck mutters, ‘What can I say? I’m a mysterious guy.’

 

Jeno leans against the lockers, his arms crossed and gaze soft. Donghyuck doesn’t even have to stop himself from staring at the other boy - he can’t look anywhere near him

 

‘Hyuck,’ Jeno whines softly, ‘I feel like you don’t tell me anything anymore.’

 

‘You’re still my best friend,’ Donghyuck assures half-heartedly, ‘Don’t worry.’

 

‘It doesn’t feel that way,’ Jeno grumbles, ‘I need you around, Hyuck.’

 

Faltering slightly, Donghyuck’s heart palpitates so much he can hear it echoing in his ears. Every beat pulsates through his body, and even though Jeno’s words should bring him happiness, it just makes Donghyuck angry. He wants it to stop - his feelings, his heart, Jeno - he wants it all to stop.

 

‘You don’t need me,’ he slams his locker door close, letting his bitterness seep into his words, ‘You have Renjun.’

 

Donghyuck finds it funny that Jeno even looks taken aback, ‘Hyuck, you’re not serious are you?’

 

The redhead doesn’t even have the guts to look him in the eye. Instead, he walks ahead, gaze planted firmly on the other end of the hallway. He stays silent, letting a heavy silence sit over the two, even as they worm through crowds of other students.

 

‘Hyuck, wait,’ Jeno says, slightly out of breath, and Donghyuck feels a twisted sense of delight at the thought that Jeno is chasing after him.

 

‘Hyuck, you’re not actually jealous of Injunnie, are you?’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t stop walking, holding his breath with pursed lips. He knows he’s fucked, but he’s not acknowledging it until he really has to. And so, he speeds up, his legs making the longest strides possible. Behind him, even Jeno’s comparably longer legs struggle to keep up.

 

‘Hyuck, for heaven’s sake,’ the boy says, ‘Hyuck, stop walking.’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t listen. He nods hello to one of the passing teachers and smiles at Yeri from class 11C. Jeno’s voice barely even reaches his ears. 

 

‘Donghyuck!’ Jeno grabs his arm, pulling him to the side, ‘Lee Donghyuck, for fuck’s sake, what is wrong with you?

 

Jeno doesn’t usually swear, or use Donghyuck’s real name, and the combination of the two shocks the boy into responding.

 

‘What’s wrong with me?’ Donghyuck laughs morosely, ‘A lot, actually, thanks for reminding me.’

 

‘Donghyuck, just stop, I just want to know what’s making you so weird,’ the other boy’s eyes were so soft and sweet, and Donghyuck can still hear his heart hammering in his head.

 

Rolling his eyes, Donghyuck tries to pull his arm away, ‘I’m fucking fine, thanks.’

 

‘I just want to know what’s wrong,’ Jeno says, voice getting tighter, ‘and I know something is, so don’t give me any more of your bull, alright?

 

Donghyuck opens his mouth to refute him, but Jeno cuts him off again, ‘You come home late almost every day, you haven’t talked to anyone but Mark for days, and now Jaemin says he can hear you crying in your sleep.’

 

Donghyuck silently sends off a prayer regarding Jaemin, lightning, sharks, and a very painful death.

 

‘I wasn’t crying in my sleep,’ Donghyuck deadpans, still struggling to move out of Jeno’s way, ‘And if I was, it’s probably ‘cause you guys won’t leave me alone.’

 

‘Don’t make a joke out of it,’ Jeno says, shoving a hand through his hair, ‘Just tell me what’s wrong.’

 

The other boy is scowling, or at least Donghyuck thinks he is, and his hair has fallen into his eyes. The platinum blonde Donghyuck had chosen for him has faded considerably, looking almost grey under the shitty school lights. Jeno’s eyes are wide in his sincerity and Donghyuck resists the urge to scream in a frenzy of resentment and fondness. 

 

‘Please, Hyuckie.’

 

And Donghyuck almost gives in - almost makes up a half lie about some random guy who’s broken his heart - but stupid Jeno doesn’t stop talking, ‘Injunnie is really worried too, okay? I think you’re being kinda selfish right now.’

 

His change of mood is almost neck-breaking as Donghyuck wrenches his arm out of Jeno’s grip. His jaw is tight and he can feel his teeth grinding. His knuckles are white with how tight he’s clenching his fists, his face probably as red as his hair with the way his blood had suddenly rushed to his head. Humiliation washes over him - even Jeno thinks that he’s a selfish prick. 

 

‘Fuck you,’ he hisses, eyes ablaze and raging, ‘I’m fucking fine.’

 

He doesn’t stay long enough to soak it in, but he gets a glance of Jeno’s look of dismay. It’s enough to fan his anger even higher, and Donghyuck is flaming as he storms off. The number of students in the hall is dwindling - he’s definitely going to be late for class - but Donghyuck can’t bring himself to care as he shoves his ways through the parting crowds. He bumps into some poor kid more than once, physically unable to stop until he runs smack-bang into someone and they grip his shoulders firmly. 

 

‘Whoa, you good?’ 

 

Looking up meekly, Donghyuck meets the concerned gaze of Mark Lee. He not composed enough to address the other boy, only just croaking out an apology. His vision is already blurring, and he can barely hear over the ringing in his ears. 

 

‘Donghyuck?’ Mark says, but he hears it muffled, ‘Hey, are you okay?’

 

Donghyuck shakes his head, gaze wavering as his eyes start misting. A drop of liquid falls on the floor, but he can’t see through the blur in his eyes. He barely chokes back a sob, knees buckling - barely even noticing as the older boy catches him in his arms.

 

‘It’s okay,’ Mark shushes him as if he knows what’s going on, ‘Just cry, okay?’

 

And so, the younger boy cries, raw and open - nothing like the quiet snivelling he’s done alone at night. Sobs punch through, ripping into his muscles, bones, and heart. He scrabbles to hold onto something - anything - for support, hands clutching tightly at Mark’s jacket. His sobs are stifled at first, but as the people in the hallway wane and the pain in his heart worsens, his throaty whimpers grow louder.

 

The static inside his mind, the sounds that had been screaming for so long, quiets slowly. With every heave, every shudder, every gasp, the painful thudding of Donghyuck’s heart wanes gradually. 

 

They stay there for god-knows how long, in the most awkward hug ever, with Mark’s arms around his shoulders, and Donghyuck’s face pressed into the older boy’s neck.

 

‘You okay now?’ Mark’s throat vibrates against Donghyuck’s forehead, ‘That was pretty hectic.’

 

‘Yeah, it was,’ Donghyuck winces slightly as his voice breaks, ‘I’m all cried out now.’

 

Mark hums half-mindedly, dropping his arms from around Donghyuck. He moves away stiffly, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms, ‘That wasn’t about Jeno, was it?’

 

Donghyuck stays silent, not even wanting to think about the other boy. Way to shove salt into a bullet wound.

 

Sighing, Mark says quietly, ‘I guess it was then.’

 

Biting his lip harshly, the younger boy wills another wave of angry tears down. He’s embarrassed - more so than the first time he cried - but he’s grateful for the older boy’s company. Just imagining breaking down by himself sounds,  _ well _ , pathetic.

 

‘Why were you here anyway?’ Donghyuck croaks out, ‘You don’t even have any classes now that you’ve graduated.’

 

Mark coughs awkwardly, ‘Well, I, uh, followed you to get my, uh, grad speech. I guess it’s a coincidence I actually found you.’

 

‘Oh, okay,’ Donghyuck nods clumsily, ‘Do you want it now, then?‘

 

He tenses slightly, breath hitching slightly at the thought of being left alone in the school hallway. He knows he’s being selfish - he’s taken up so much of the older boy’s time and patience - but he can’t help but be selfishly and vainly self-concerned.

 

‘Nah,’ Mark shakes his head, ‘It’s not that important really.’

 

Donghyuck lets out a quiet breath of relief. ‘You were practically ripping your hair out about it though,’ he teases half-heartedly, ‘Practically bald already.’

 

‘Thanks,’ the other boy laughs quietly, ‘You wanna get to class or nah?’

 

‘Not really,’ the younger boy mutters, lowering his gaze to the ground, ‘I only have Jeno in math.’

 

Mark looks at him funnily, ‘Kay, we’ll just wait. There’s like twenty minutes ‘til next period anyway.’

 

Muttering a thanks, Donghyuck lets his mind wander to Jeno again. This is the probably first time in years where they’ve had such a big fight. The only incident he can remember being even close is when Donghyuck didn’t listen to Jeno and dated some random guy. Jeno yelled a lot, Donghyuck cried and they didn’t talk for a whole day. (They broke up 3 days later when the dick slaps Donghyuck in the face and Donghyuck begrudgingly accepts his fate of never liking anyone but Jeno.) 

 

Donghyuck wipes sorely at his nose as he thinks about the next few days. The trip is in barely three days; Donghyuck has to survive at least two days at school and then a whole three-and-a-half-day holiday without Jeno. Why couldn’t he keep his emotions in check? He’s done it for twelve years, so the fact that he did explode, especially at such a crucial time, makes him want to sink into the earth. Bitterly, Donghyuck thinks that Renjun’s definitely going to sit next to Jeno on the plane, meaning he’ll probably be stuck with Jaemin - the stupid meddling treacherous busybody. He’s going to  _ die. _

 

‘You’ll be fine,’ Mark suddenly says from beside him. Donghyuck realises belatedly that he’s been thinking out loud again. 

 

Mark smiles kindly, ‘I can sit next to you on the plane if you want.’

 

Donghyuck’s heart flutters a little as he says thanks. How can someone be so nice? Donghyuck stopped being nice when he was three and his cousin Taeyong ate the last piece of his birthday cake.

 

The selfish fire that had burned through him is dampened slightly by an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and admiration.

 

‘Hyung,’ he starts awkwardly in a bad attempt to squash his sense of obligation, ‘I, uh, I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.’

 

Mark looks taken aback for a few seconds before the look dissolves into a soft smile, ‘It’s all good. I expect presents and food at the end though.’

 

Letting out a little laugh, Donghyuck pushes the older boy’s shoulder weakly, ‘I’m broke, you’ll have to wait a long time.’

 

‘Yeah?’ Mark says, and his voice sounds different, like he’s holding his breath, ‘I would wait for forever.’

 

Guilt washes over his blaze of selfishness. Why was the guy being so nice to him?

 

‘You’re too nice,’ he mutters, ‘It’s gonna get you murdered one day.’

 

The older boy laughs, the edges of his eyes crinkling, ‘Well, as long as you come to my funeral and cry, I’ll be fine.’

 

‘I’ll have to get paid,’ Donghyuck says, fingers twisting the hem of his shirt, ‘I don’t just cry for free, you know.’

 

‘What, like those professional mourners they had in the middle ages?’ he raises an eyebrow, ‘Weren’t they all women?’

 

Donghyuck snorts good-heartedly, ‘This is the 21st century. I can be whatever I want to be.’

 

‘I’m sure you can,’ comes Mark’s distracted reply. Donghyuck turns his head to watch the other boy stand up briskly, dusting imaginary  _ dust _ off of his ripped jeans, ‘The bell’s gonna ring in ten, what class do you have?’

 

Donghyuck blanches at the thought of class. His next class is with Jaemin and Renjun - the former is now number one on his ‘least favourite people’ list. He’s willing to bet everything that Jeno’s already texted them about the argument.

 

‘Drama,’ he mutters quietly, ‘It’s in B block.’

 

‘I thought you’d be more excited for drama,’ Mark says with a small grin, holding out a hand for Donghyuck, ‘You’ve always been such a drama kid.’

 

Grabbing onto the outstretched arm, Donghyuck hauls himself upright. ‘I do, but Nana and Renjun are in it and…’

 

He trails off awkwardly, looking away from the other boy’s face. Drama  _ is _ his favourite class. The students are people he knows relatively well, the teacher is nice, and he gets to do the things he wants to do. Mark is right; he’s always loved drama.

 

‘Oh,’ Mark says, gently, ‘Do the kids know?’

 

Donghyuck shakes his head, feeling the back of his eyes start burning again, ‘Probably, but that’s not the problem.’

 

Mark doesn’t say anything as he walks beside him, so Donghyuck keeps talking, ‘It’s just partner-work, so I’ll thirdwheel again.’

 

The other boy is silent for a few more seconds, ‘That’s not nice.’

 

‘It’s fine,’ Donghyuck says, moving forward at a slow pace, ‘Let’s just go.’

 

‘Donghyuck, you know you have to speak up when stuff bothers you,’ Mark exhales. He keeps looking over at Donghyuck expecting a reply but gives up when the younger boy just walks silently. 

 

The sound of their shoes resonates throughout the somewhat empty hallways. There are muffled voices and laughter; no doubt from the final classes that are still operating. The walk to B block is quite long, but Donghyuck barely notices it in lieu of enjoying the peace. 

 

They’re just outside the drama classroom when Mark breaks the silence that had fallen over them. The older boy is surrounded by a halo of golden afternoon light, courtesy of the school windows. If Donghyuck wasn’t so pathetic for his best friend, he would undoubtedly have a little tinkle for Mark. The older boy is the epitome of utopia in a single person. Donghyuck feels the need to take a picture or write a book about him or something.

 

‘You can talk to me whenever you want,’ the older boy says, eyes wide in sincerity, ‘Seriously, Donghyuck, if you need to talk - talk to me.’

 

A wave of chaste affection for the older boy surges through Donghyuck’s brain, ‘You’re too nice.’

 

‘Donghyuck…’

 

Laughing quietly, Donghyuck promises, ‘I’ll keep the offer in mind.’

 

Mark keeps insisting, ‘No, seriously, Donghyuck -’

 

‘Oi, Hyuckie, Mark-hyung!’

 

Jaemin’s walking over to them with his arm slung around Renjun’s shoulder. The latter is on his phone, and Donghyuck bitterly thinks that Jeno would be ranting just about now. He doesn’t like the way Jaemin is looking at him weirdly either.

 

‘Oh, hey guys,’ Mark sings out, a bright smile plastered on his face.

 

‘What’re you doing here?’ Renjun asks, a frown etched on his forehead, ‘I thought senior classes ended last week.’

 

Donghyuck squirms uncomfortably, even as more students start to fill the hallway. Renjun definitely knows something.

 

Mark, on the other hand, shows no discomfort or panic, proceeding to talk easily, ‘Just talking to Donghyuck. I didn’t know you were so opposed to my presence, Injunnie.’

 

Even Renjun, ever so unflustered and composed Renjun, blushes at Mark’s words, ‘I-I didn’t mean it that way -’

 

‘It’s okay,’ Mark grins, ‘I’m just teasing. I shouldn’t really be here anyway, I’ll see you guys around, I guess.’

 

Donghyuck watches as the older boy shoots him one last smile and walks away, his lean figure slowly merging into the crowded hallway. The selfish part of him wants the older boy to stay so he wouldn’t have to be alone again.

 

‘That was kinda weird,’ Jaemin snorts, ‘Why was he here in the first place?’

 

Despite the other boy’s nonchalant words, Donghyuck hears the subtle tone of interrogation.  _ Jeno definitely told them _ , but if they were going to go for casual, then so was he.

 

Shrugging, Donghyuck utters indifferently, ‘He just wanted his grad speech.’

 

It wasn’t even a lie; Mark  _ did _ want his speech at the start. It was why he even managed to find Donghyuck at the start.

 

As the redhead walks into class, straggling behind his two friends, he realises that the said speech still lies at the bottom of his bag, completely forgotten.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this only when i was high or drunk (i’m kidding, i’m australian and boring)
> 
> next chap is legit still in dot points, so lmao it’s gonna be out in like august. oh well.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeno tries to talk about feelings. donghyuck hates feelings.
> 
> also, they're on the plane.

Donghyuck can’t bring himself to feel anything despite the excited chatter of his friends.

 

He doesn’t feel anything, not when Jeno gives Renjun a peck on the lips when they meet up the airport, and he doesn’t feel anything when the couple shows a disgusting amount of PDA. (Hello numbness, my old friend, Donghyuck’s brain sings.) Donghyuck tries to lose himself in the bustle of the airport, an excited buzz permeated through the air. Children are screaming and so is Chenle. 

 

So far, Donghyuck has successfully made it through three days with effectively avoiding Jeno and any conversation related to the big ole’ blow up. It’s pretty hard, especially when people like Jisung don’t have anything close to ‘tact’ or ‘sense’.

 

He’s somewhat shocked that no one’s pointed out him being incredibly quiet so far, but he guesses that his silence is just overwhelmed by everyone else’s excitement.

 

Well, no one’s pointed it  _ out _ , but Mark’s looks are still there. Donghyuck appreciates the guy, but his concern can be a little condescending at times. Donghyuck is capable of handling his own emotions,  _ thank you very much. _

 

He makes it through check-in and security successfully. No one really cares, but he’s a bundle of nerves topped with the weight of his heart on his shoulders.

 

Jeno and Renjun look like they’re treating the trip as their honeymoon so far, and Donghyuck can’t even begin to describe how he’s feeling. It’s like he’s caught a cold and everything is blocked - like all his senses have been dulled and his happiness is limited. 

 

It’s not a good feeling, the numbness, and Donghyuck tries not to focus on it. Even if he wants to just collapse and lie down on his bed, he’s going to be the better person and collapse and lie down on the  _ beach _ . The trip is going to be the best thing to ever happen, even if Donghyuck has to physically pry a smile onto his face.

 

Donghyuck’s not the only one who’d been looking forward to the trip - he knows that. He can see the sheer elation radiating from all of his friends. He doesn’t know what look he has on his face, but he only hopes it’s enough to resemble the excitement he _should_ be feeling.

 

‘Guys,’ Chenle squeals, bouncing on the balls of his feet, ‘There are so many shops here, it’s crazy!’

 

‘Are there shoes?’ Jisung asks, sipping mock solemnly from a styrofoam cup. He claims he got Americano, but Donghyuck knows that it’s hot chocolate. (Pathetic, a part of him hisses.)

 

‘There’s everything,’ Chenle is grinning, still bouncing, ‘Come on, let’s gooo.’

 

Jisung grumbles, but Donghyuck sees the excitement in his eyes. It’s cute how the youngest still tries to be mature and aloof around them.

 

‘Wait -’

 

Out of nowhere, a heavy backpack flies carelessly into Donghyuck’s lap. Donghyuck resists the urge to throw the bag back at Jaemin - and he would if his arms didn’t feel like noodles from an increased amount of sleep and lack of exercise.

 

Jaemin shoves the tragic remainder of a burger into his mouth as he stands up, ‘I’m coming too, wait for me, I want sunglasses.’

 

‘Let’s all go then,’ Mark says warmly, standing up as well. The older boy turns towards Donghyuck, ‘Come on, it’ll be fun.’

 

Donghyuck debates the notion silently in his head. It would be fun,  _ yes _ \- but also, more time with just-got-married couple Jeno and Renjun?  _ Yikes. _ Donghyuck doesn’t think his heart can handle any more attacks or he might actually end up with a physically broken heart. 

 

‘I got like no sleep last night,’ Donghyuck says, ignoring the fact that he took like three naps in its place, ‘I’ll just chill.’

 

Jisung shrugs, ‘You can hold our stuff then.’

 

Two more bags soar Donghyuck’s way, giving him a mini heart attack and making him almost drop his drink. 

 

‘Be careful,’ Mark says as he passes his bag normally to Donghyuck. The redhead sends him a grateful look and gets a small smile in return.

 

‘Hyuck’ll be fine,’ Renjun laughs quietly before turning to Jeno, ‘You coming?’

 

The couple exchanges a funny look before Jeno shakes his head. Donghyuck ignores it, hoping that the boy will still say yes. He really wants to be alone, and definitely not alone with Jeno.

 

‘Uh,’ Jeno starts, much to Donghyuck’s chagrin, ‘I’ll stay with Hyuck.’

 

‘I’ll see you later then,’ Renjun smiles before leaning down to give Jeno a peck on the nose. Jisung makes throwing up noises behind them and Donghyuck can’t help but agree bitterly.

 

‘Hey,’ Jeno starts once they’re alone, ‘Listen, I -’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t make eye contact when he cuts the other boy off, scrolling through his Instagram instead, ‘I’m fine, thanks.’

 

A few seconds of awkward silence go by.

 

‘Hyuck,’ Jeno starts again, ‘I just want -’

 

‘No,’ Donghyuck says again, double-tapping on Lucas’ most recent selfie.

 

‘Hyuck,’ Jeno breathes out, voice shaky with something akin to frustration, ‘Can you just hear me out?’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything. He taps open Snapchat to send everyone (but Jeno, of course) streaks. 

 

‘Kill me before Jeno does,’ he captions his ugly selfie before sending it off to Mark. 

 

‘Hyuck?’

 

Mark replies almost immediately with two laughing-crying emojis and a short text of ‘shout if you need me’.

 

‘Hyuck, stop ignoring me.’

 

Squishing down his exasperation - for Jeno or for himself, he doesn’t know - Donghyuck quickly texts back an ‘all good’.

 

‘Donghyuck.’

 

The other boy is sitting down next to him, chair scraping the floor noisily. His flawless face is barely five centimetres away from Donghyuck’s. (The latter curses the hitch in his breath and the stutter of his heart.)

 

‘What,’ Donghyuck snaps, heart still floundering as he switches his phone off and shoves it swiftly into his pocket, ‘What do you want?’

 

He knows he’s being unfair - and judging from the blonde boy’s stung expression, Jeno knows it too - but he can’t the bitterness he’s been accumulating from rearing its ugly head. It’s nasty and spiteful and it’s telling Donghyuck to yell and run.

 

Jeno, despite his hurt look, just keeps talking, ‘Okay, just hear me out, please?’

 

‘Shoot,’ Donghyuck says, pettily sipping as loud as possible on his ice tea as he makes sure to shake the cup and rattle the ice as well.

 

The other boy opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. He looks as if he’s in a battle with himself - a disorganised expression replacing his normally serene appearance. Donghyuck thinks it’s quite funny how less than a month ago he would have found Jeno’s fluster cute, but now it only induces subdued annoyance.

 

‘I-,’ Jeno begins, albeit quite stiffly, ‘Hyuck, you know we’re best friends, right?’

 

Donghyuck resists the urge to tell him that was sort of the _problem_.

 

Taking Donghyuck silence as permission for him to go on, Jeno keeps speaking, ‘I just want you to be happy and you really haven’t been recently.’

 

Donghyuck can’t bring himself to meet Jeno’s concerned gaze. He opens his mouth to say something - but Jeno cuts in again.

 

‘Don’t even try to deny it, Hyuck,’ Jeno sighs, somewhat exasperated, ‘Please tell me what’s wrong.’

 

The other boy looks like he expects Donghyuck to talk and Donghyuck hates talking, especially about feelings. Emotionally constipated? Probably. He tells Jeno exactly that.

 

‘I hate this.’

 

Jeno sighs, ‘I don’t want to do this either.’

 

_ Then don’t _ , Donghyuck’s mind helpfully supplies.

 

‘But Injunnie told me that talking is good for you, so I’m here,’ Jeno continues.

 

Donghyuck sighs as he abandons any possible replies and pulls out his phone instead. ‘Injunnie’ is the reason why he’ll probably never be happy again. Is he being too dramatic? Probably - he’s a drama kid after all.

 

‘Hyuck, please say something,’ Jeno adds, his eyes wide in sincerity.

 

Sighing pointedly, Donghyuck looks down as his phone flashes with a text from Mark. 

 

‘You sure?’ it reads, ‘text me, aight?’

 

Letting out a small hum, Donghyuck’s fingers fly across the screen; ‘have i ever told u about how much jeno makes me want to die.’

 

Mark’s reply is almost immediate; ‘a few times, yep.’

 

The boy at issue is glaring at Donghyuck - or at least Donghyuck thinks he’s trying to glare with his pretty, soft eyes - and he crosses his arms as he leans back in his chair. Donghyuck thinks it’s cute that the other boy thought he’d even play along with the little therapy session.

 

Behind Jeno, Donghyuck can see the rapidly approaching figure of Huang Renjun. The boy dons a pair of cheap-looking tinted sunglasses on his hair, looking as ready for a cheesy honeymoon as ever. Donghyuck wants to disappear.

 

‘Sup,’ Renjun grins when he reaches them, ‘I’m just back for a bit.’

 

Jeno looks up at the Chinese boy, a soft smile adorning his features. His expression is easy and enamoured - something Donghyuck had never seen on his best friend. Almost underwhelmingly, Donghyuck reaches an epiphany - he doesn’t  _ really  _ know who Jeno is anymore.

He’s aware of the way his friendship with Jeno was crumbling. The one thing that kept Donghyuck from confessing is now happening at a rapid pace. Donghyuck scorns the irony of his own heart.

 

It’s his fault that they’ve been growing apart - not Jeno’s or Renjun’s - but Donghyuck’s own emotions.

 

‘Jen,’ Renjun bends down to whisper into the other boy’s ear. Donghyuck looks away but doesn’t stop himself from listening in. 

 

‘Are you done yet? I missed you.’

 

Donghyuck’s ears grow hot as discomfort crawls up his face like a bug. The butterflies in his stomach grow violent, stirring his abashment.

 

‘Uh, n-not really,’ Jeno blushes bright red before coughing awkwardly, ‘We haven’t really started -’

 

Renjun nods understandingly, ‘Nah, don’t worry, I’ll just hang with the others.’

 

A part of Donghyuck screams out at the thought of having to stay in this awkward limbo with Jeno for any longer. 

 

‘No,’ he cuts in, standing up stiffly, ‘We’re done, you can go.’

 

Jeno looks at him confusedly, ‘What?’

 

Looking away bitterly, Donghyuck pretends to pack his bag, ‘I gotta pee. Go date or kiss or something.’ 

 

He winces as he registers the bitterness in his own words. He’s not very good at emotions. 

 

Renjun glances at Donghyuck funnily, ‘The others should be at some hat shop .’

 

‘Okay,’ Donghyuck says, trying to hitch three bags over his shoulder and clutching desperately at his own, ‘I’ll find them.’

 

He’s almost walking away when Jeno’s voice calls out again, ‘Do you need help with the bags?’

 

Donghyuck shakes his head, despite almost collapsing under the weight of Jisung’s ugly backpack. 

 

‘It’s fine,’ he says, admittedly desperate to get away from the couple, ‘I can handle it.’

 

‘Are you sure?’ Jeno frowns, eyebrows furrowing when Donghyuck gives a shaky (curse his weakass muscles) thumbs up, ‘Only if you say so.’

 

‘I’m chill, it’s all good,’ Donghyuck stumbles slightly, foot treacherously catching on the leg of a chair, ‘See ya.’

 

‘We’ll talk later,’ Jeno promises, and Donghyuck looks up just in time to catch the couple start holding hands. 

 

Waddling awkwardly away, Donghyuck mutters under his breath, ‘I goddamn hope not.’

 

Where is he going? Donghyuck doesn’t know. Desperate and hastily-made escape plans never work well. He sure as hell wasn’t going to go back to the gang though. He loves his friends - he really does - but they’re all emotional teenagers, meaning that they’re all somewhat oblivious assholes.

 

Sighing morosely, Donghyuck stumbles as he attempts to take out his boarding pass. The tragically ripped piece of paper reads gate 84 and Donghyuck lets out a quiet groan. 

 

The airport is much too big for his taste. Donghyuck grumbles silently as he walks past what seems like hundreds and hundreds of gates. Who’s idea was it make airports so big? Donghyuck decides that whoever it was probably didn’t account for normal people and their somewhat limited capability for exercise.

 

There aren’t too many people at the actual gate when he finally gets there. The loud chatter from the centre of the airport has dimmed into a quiet background buzz, barely any sound resounding in the actual waiting room. 

 

Donghyuck spies a young couple at the back, sleeping on each other. A few rows away, an elderly man and woman were chatting quietly. A strange feeling runs through Donghyuck’s mind - one of compassion and yearning. He shoves it into a little hole in the back of his mind.

 

On the other side of the room, a mother rocks a pram gently whilst talking on the phone. Donghyuck picks a seat in the corner furthest away from everyone, throwing the bags down with a harsh thump. He hopes that he broke Jisung’s glass drink bottle. Broken glass has nothing on his broken heart.

 

A loud ring jerks Donghyuck out of his thoughts. He looks around for a moment before realising the sound is coming from his own pocket.

 

His phone glows with Mark’s name as he holds it up to his ear.

 

‘Donghyuck,’ the other boy says, ‘Where are you right now?’

 

‘At the gate,’ Donghyuck replies quietly, leaning gently on one of the bags, ‘Why?’

 

Mark’s voice is crackly over the line, ‘Jeno and Renjun said you went to the toilet like twenty minutes ago, so I just thought you like, ditched or something.’

 

Donghyuck shifts his entire body weight onto some poor bag, ‘Nah. They were just getting annoying.’

 

There are a few seconds of silence on Mark’s end, ‘I told you to tell me if it got weird.’

 

‘I can handle myself,’ Donghyuck mutters, ‘You don’t need to come to my rescue every time.’

 

It’s true that Mark has been there for him every day for the past two weeks. Donghyuck almost feels too dependent on the other boy. 

 

‘I just want you to be happy,’ Mark hesitates slightly, ‘You don’t need to be alone.’

 

If Donghyuck was emotionally stable, he’d laugh at the parallel between Mark and Jeno’s words; but since his mind is stuck in a permanent meltdown mode, Donghyuck can’t help but flinch.

 

‘Anyway,’ Mark continues steadily, ‘I’m on my way to you.’

 

Donghyuck sits up suddenly, ‘Wait, what? I thought you’re with the others?’

 

‘It’s getting kinda boring,’ Mark snorts, ‘Nana and Chenle are just messing around, and Jisung is making fun of everything.’

 

‘Sounds fun,’ Donghyuck snickers a little. It sounds like their average shopping trip.

 

‘It’s mind-numbingly repetitive,’ the older boy deadpans.

 

Letting a little laugh, Donghyuck replies, ‘Well, have fun walking down here. It’s at least a kilometre down from the food court.’

 

‘Oh my god,’ Mark groans, ‘I guess I’ll see you in eight years then.’

 

‘You’ll miss the plane,’ Donghyuck hums, thoughtlessly playing with the rips in his jeans.

 

‘I’ll miss a lot of things,’ comes a mumble, and then Donghyuck hears the tell-tale beep of an ended call. Donghyuck thinks it’s quite rude to hang up in the middle of a conversation.

 

He’s getting ready to berate Mark over text when the boy shows up around the corner, a pair of pink-tinted heart-shaped sunnies perched on his head.

 

‘What are you wearing?’ Donghyuck asks when the other boy is close enough to hear, ‘Did you and Renjun splurge on sunnies or something?’

 

‘The whole gang, actually,’ Mark retorts, holding out a pair of circular frames, ‘These are for you. Jeno got them.’

 

Rolling his eyes, Donghyuck reaches for the ones on top of Mark’s head instead, ‘Don’t want them.’

 

Jeno’s probably trying to guilt-trip Donghyuck into talking. Donghyuck’s a little insulted by how much his friend underestimates his grudge-holding abilities.

 

Mark sputters, but lets Donghyuck take his glasses anyway, ‘Jeno took a lot of time picking that one, y’know.’

 

‘Don’t care,’ the younger boy barks, shoving the flimsy thing onto his face, ‘These are ugly.’

 

Ignoring him, Mark plops down next to Donghyuck, ‘What are you listening to?’

 

Raising an eyebrow, Donghyuck points at the earphones connected to his phones, ‘Conspiracy podcasts.’

 

‘Really?’ Mark almost sounds interested. Donghyuck thinks he’s dumb.

 

‘You’re dumb,’ he says.

 

The older boy rolls his eyes, reaching for the earphones, ‘Can I listen?’

 

‘Whatever,’ Donghyuck quips, but passes one side to him anyway, ‘What song do you want?’

 

‘Anything but trot,’ Mark says earnestly, prompting a hiss of laughter from Donghyuck. He presses play on the group playlist, closing his eyes as some Chinese song starts.

 

The two of them fall into a comfortable silence, remedied only by the soft music in their ears. People start filling the room and the quiet chatter that had surrounded them grows to a loud murmur.

 

They’re halfway through ‘All Star’ (courtesy of Jaemin and his senile taste in memes) when the whole gang saunters around the corner.

 

All five boys were donning some sort of ugly eyewear and Donghyuck winces at the sheer ‘ugly’ radiating from Jisung’s spider-leg glasses. He winces even more when he notices Jeno and Renjun’s colour-coordinated, matching couple specs. 

 

Chenle, on the other hand, is excitedly bounding forward, glasses askew on top of his head. Behind him, Jaemin sports, quite possibly, the biggest pair of sunnies that Donghyuck has ever seen. Donghyuck thinks it’s only too bad that the other boy’s manic grin can still be seen beneath it. 

 

‘Hyung, I got a mega-sized bag of skittles for the plane!’ Chenle half-shouts, waving the giant packet around wildly.

 

Mark eyes it wearily, ‘You’re going to get sick.’

 

Chenle only grins, pulling Jisung and Jaemin closer to him by their shoulders, ‘It’s okay, I’ll share!’

 

‘I don’t want any,’ Jisung grumbles.

 

‘You’re going to chuck all over the plane,’ Donghyuck chips in, somewhat grossed out by the thought, ‘That’ll be sick. Literally.’

 

Mark throws him an exasperated look, but turns to Chenle anyway, ‘Please don’t eat too much.’

 

‘You’ll ruin your face,’ Jisung adds jadedly, ‘It’s your only redeeming feature.’

 

Squawking, Chenle throws himself at Jisung. Jaemin swiftly sidesteps the wrestling duo to continue taking selfies. Renjun and Jeno are sitting on top of each other (how? Donghyuck has no idea), giggling over something or other.

 

Donghyuck sighs as he says goodbye to his peace and quiet.

 

‘We’re an odd bunch,’ Mark laughs quietly, expression probably matching the one Donghyuck has.

 

The elderly couple from earlier glares at them from across the room and Donghyuck sighs again. They were probably pissing everyone around them off.

 

‘We’re annoying,’ Donghyuck mutters, gaze falling back onto his group of friends. 

 

‘Probably,’ the older boy hums amusedly, before turning away to talk to Jaemin. Donghyuck is left to listen to ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ forlornly.

 

He sighs for the third time when Mark’s hand rests softly on Donghyuck’s knee, as if as some form of comfort. The other boy isn’t even looking his way anymore - he’s still chatting quietly with Jaemin.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Donghyuck can see Renjun sitting on Jeno’s lap and the two cuddling intimately. It’s gross. It’s also probably the reason why Mark was trying to comfort him. Donghyuck is flattered and offended at the same time.

 

Mark is tracing little circles onto his leg, and Donghyuck finds himself zoning out as he stares at the side of the older boy’s face. Jisung wails loudly into his right ear, and Donghyuck gawkily snaps out of his daze. Dandily plucking his earphone from Mark’s ear and putting it into his own, Donghyuck turns the music up to block out the rest of the gang.

 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, staring at nothing and thinking about everything, but Mark’s hand suddenly squeezes his knee out of absolutely nowhere. Donghyuck lets out an embarrassing yelp, jumping up and hitting the top of his head on Renjun’s jaw.

 

‘Shit,’ he hisses, rubbing his head, ‘Sorry, Renjun.’

 

Smiling, Renjun teases, ‘I’ll never forgive you.’

 

Donghyuck wishes the other boy was meaner so he could hate him in peace. Instead, he just lets out a dramatic gasp.

 

‘Hyung!’ without warning, Chenle yells in his face, ‘Come on! We’re boarding!’

 

Donghyuck stands up slowly, lagging behind the group by a couple of steps. He manages to shoot an awkward smile at the attendant, fumbling with his boarding pass.

 

As soon as he steps into the sun, he lets out a vampiric hiss. The sun is scathing and the wind is howling in its vigour.

 

Donghyuck pushes his glasses up against his face, feeling like he could be blown away at any moment. His hair is probably a mess, judging from the disaster that is Mark’s in front of him. With his eyes squinted, Donghyuck forcefully makes it to the stairs leading up to the plane. The ugly thing is much bigger up close, and even though he’s flown before, Donghyuck can’t help but feel small. Even as he walks down the aisle of the plane, he feels out of place and trivial.

 

‘Hyuck,’ Jeno’s voice calls out, ‘Do you wanna sit next to me?’

 

Jeno’s already seated, eagerly patting the spot next to him. Donghyuck knows that he’s supposed to sit next to him - his boarding pass dictates that - but he can see Renjun on Jeno’s other side, and he just  _ really _ doesn’t want to.

 

‘I, uh,’ he stammers out awkwardly, ‘I was gonna -’

 

‘Donghyuck,’ Mark blurts from the row beside the couple, ‘Jaemin wants to swap seats.’

 

‘What?’ Donghyuck hears Jaemin hiss, ‘No, I don’t?’

 

‘Yes,’ Mark insists, pushing Jaemin up and out of the row, ‘He does.’

 

‘What’s wrong with sitting with us?’ Renjun asks, somewhat miffed, ‘We won’t bite.’

 

Jaemin snorts, ‘Third-wheeling. We hate being with you two.’

 

Renjun lets out an offended gasp, ‘We don’t want to sit with you either, then.’

 

The two start bickering loudly and Donghyuck takes the moment to slip into the seat next to Mark.

 

‘Thanks,’ he murmurs, barely audible over the loud squabble that Jaemin and Renjun, and now Chenle, are making.

 

Mark just smiles, ‘Don’t worry about it.’

 

Behind them, Jisung lets out a frustrated groan, ‘Oh my god, let’s just all swap seats so Jaemin-hyung doesn’t have to third-wheel.’

 

Donghyuck snorts as their group of friends start shuffling out of their old seats and into their new ones. Judging by the glares from the other passengers, it seems like he’s the only one being even somewhat entertained by it.

 

‘Hyuck,’ Jeno says from behind him when they’ve settled down, ‘We need to talk later.’

 

Letting out an uninterested hum, Donghyuck just puts his earphones in and looks out the window as the plane takes off.

 

The city lights get smaller and dimmer with each second. Donghyuck feels his chest get heavier as the clouds start swirling and blocking his view of home. He doesn’t know how long he stares out the window, shitty music playing and emotions twisting. Tears have started to gather in his eyes - a sorry indication of his emotions - and he forces his gaze away from the skies. 

 

The inside of the plane doesn’t get much better. Donghyuck thinks there’s something deceptively calm about planes. The lights are dimmed and an unnatural glow is painted over everyone’s faces. The sky is dark outside, not black yet but rather a miserable shade of blue. (Donghyuck hates poetry, but he’s gotta say that the colour is an accurate representation of his mood.)

 

Next to him, Mark is asleep, slumped forward onto his dropped down tray and head resting on his folded arms. His face is turned towards Donghyuck, and the younger boy can see a zit at the very edge of his hair. Every breath he takes causes his dark hair to flutter against his face.

 

Donghyuck cringes at the bad posture, gently shifting Mark’s body back so that he’s sitting up. The guy was getting old - he can’t afford to break his back because of a shitty sleeping position. Kindly shoving the free plane pillow behind Mark’s head, Donghyuck watches as the other boy’s head lolls onto the side.

 

Mark is probably exhausted - the guy has just graduated high school with flying colours and two part-time jobs. He’s the oldest of the group, and despite all their teasing, everyone looks up to him. Sure, Donghyuck’s never really  _ hung out _ with him before, but even he would’ve said that Mark was cool. Probably. 

 

But now, after the shit Donghyuck’s put him through, he can say that 100%, Mark Lee is the most patient, most caring friend anyone could probably have.

 

‘Stop staring, it’s weird,’ said boy mutters, sleepily opening one eye to look at Donghyuck before closing it again.

 

‘Sorry,’ Donghyuck whispers, ‘I was thinking.’

 

Eyes still closed, the older boy furrows his eyebrows, ‘Sounds hard. Go to sleep.’

 

Donghyuck lets out a small laugh, patting Mark’s forehead gently, ‘I will, I will.’

 

The other boy’s head falls briskly into Donghyuck’s hand. A flash of affection washes over Donghyuck and it makes him snatch his hand back.

 

As soon as Donghyuck withdraws his hand, Mark’s head snaps forward again - so hard that Donghyuck actually worries for his neck. Sighing, Donghyuck shoves the armrest between them down and pulls Mark’s head down onto his lap.

 

‘Wha-’ comes Mark’s bleary answer and a sad attempt to sit back up. Donghyuck hisses when the older boy’s elbow comes a little too close to his crotch.

 

‘Shut, I’m helping you,’ Donghyuck says, ‘Your neck is going to snap into two.’ 

 

‘N-no, uh, I’m fine?’ Mark is stuttering. Donghyuck thinks it’s amazing that older boy can be so awkward even when he was half-awake.

 

‘Sleep,’ Donghyuck says, pushing Mark’s head back down, ‘Stop moving, you’re going to punch me in the balls.’

 

Mark lays incredibly still - almost stiff - after that, and Donghyuck almost feels bad.  _ You’ll regret this, _ he tells himself, and rests his left hand on the boy’s head. Almost immediately, Mark tenses once more.

 

‘Relax,’ Donghyuck laughs quietly, fingers carding softly through the other boy’s hair, ‘Think of this as compensation for all the shit I’ve put you through.’

 

Mark mumbles something under his breath, too low for Donghyuck to hear, but complies anyway. His hair twists and falls smoothly under the guidance of Donghyuck’s fingers. 

 

The younger boy’s music has cut off, but he’s too lazy to turn it back on. Instead, he focuses on the droning of the plane’s engines and Mark’s gradually evening breaths. Behind him, he can just barely hear Renjun and Jeno talking softly. Words like ‘together’ and ‘forever’ drift by his ears, and for a moment, Donghyuck can’t stop the ache in his heart. He’ll be okay eventually, but at the moment, it just  _ hurts.  _

 

Mark shifts suddenly on his lap, eyes half-lidded and face tilted upwards. 

 

‘You should sleep too,’ he murmurs, ‘It’ll be worse if you’re awake.’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t think the older boy means his throbbing heart or the longing residing in his stomach but replies gratefully with a soft pat on Mark’s head.

 

There’s nothing but black outside the window, but Donghyuck finds solace in it anyway. Even as darkness envelops him with sleep, Donghyuck thinks he’ll be fine eventually.

 

\--- 

 

Donghyuck wakes with a jolt - only to find Mark’s face a hair’s breadth away from his.

 

‘W-wha?’ he murmurs, sleepily pulling himself into a sitting position, ‘Mar-’

 

‘Come on,’ Mark says bemusedly, standing back and stretching, ‘We’re here?’

 

‘Where’s here?’ Donghyuck is extremely tired, apparently. 

 

Snorting, Mark hitches Donghyuck’s bag onto his shoulder, ‘Chenle’s fancy island? The trip?’

 

‘Oh yeah,’ Donghyuck mutters, ‘Did I sleep the whole way?’

 

A strange look flutters across Mark’s face as he starts walking down the aisle, ‘Yeah, basically. You snored a bit.’

 

Donghyuck blushes red as he follows the other boy, nodding awkwardly at the flight attendant, ‘Sorry.’

 

‘It’s okay,’ Mark croons, ‘It was cute.’

 

‘I’m not cute,’ Donghyuck mutters, speeding up a bit to catch up to the other boy, ‘I’m very manly.’

 

‘Sure you are,’ the older teases, letting Donghyuck grab onto his arm as they walk, ‘Anything you say.’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t know what he says in reply; his mind is still bogged down by the thought of sleep and he just mindlessly follows Mark everywhere. Tightening his grip on Mark, he can hear Chenle and Jaemin chattering somewhere in front of them. He has both arms wrapped around the other boy’s elbow - probably throttling the other with the strength of his hug.

 

‘You’re really tired, aren’t you?’ Mark chuckles when they finally make it outside. Donghyuck just hums in reply.

 

The night air is cool on his skin, prompting Donghyuck to open his eyes slowly. The airport is gorgeous at night, trees swaying in the wind, and people’s faces lit up in excitement. 

 

‘It’s so pretty,’ he murmurs, eyes still taking in the view. The sky is still dark, much like it was on the plane, but Donghyuck can see the thousands of little bright dots that decorate it.

 

The feeling he gets is overwhelming - overwhelmingly refreshing - and he’s not just talking about the wind blowing against his hair. It’s weird and it’s different, standing in a strange place with just his friends beside him - it makes him feel a bit more confident and that tiny bit more optimistic.

 

Even as he steps into a cab, thrust between a very bony Jisung and a very warm Mark, Donghyuck can’t help but  _ hope _ . 

 

The streets are dark and blurry as they drive past, only lit by the small number of open stores. There are no skyscrapers, no reminders of home - just the trees and sleeping buildings beneath a starry sky - and definitely no reminders of Donghyuck’s aching heart.

 

The city races by and Donghyuck’s mind races with it.

 

_ This could be the start of something new. _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight, thanks for reading, ya'll are freaking amazing?? the stats for this are mindblowing lmao
> 
> next chap will prob take time; all my friends are volunteers for the commonwealth games so i'm permanently stuck at the beach lol rip


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's a morning full of abs, monkeys, breakfast, beaches, and realisations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck im so sorry it's a month late and i'm still extremely unhappy with it
> 
> i just wanted it out before i go camping so i'll definitely come back and edit it later

Donghyuck’s always known that Chenle is rich, but he’s never really  _ known _ until now because he’s standing in front of a ridiculously large holiday mansion, eyes and mouth open in surprise. 

 

Three stories high and incredibly  _ extra _ , it’s surrounded by both posh technology and intricate gardens. From the front porch alone, Donghyuck can see glimpses of the ocean. It’s gorgeous - the sea a mirror of the lightening sky. The deep blues on the horizon are a gradual fade into a rich emerald and it takes just about all his effort to not run into the water right then and there. He definitely would, if the wind wasn’t howling in his ear and the night air chilling his fingertips.

 

‘So,’ Chenle starts, fiddling with a set of expensive-looking keys, ‘Three stories and a basement, four rooms, seven people, how’re we gonna split?’

 

‘Well,’ Jisung drawls, ‘Definitely Jeno-hyung and Renjun-hyung in one room.’

 

‘Gross,’ Jaemin comments from where he was taking selfies, ‘But agreed.’

 

Chenle scrunches up his nose, ‘They’re gonna do weird couple stuff.’

 

Letting an offended gasp, Renjun splutters, ‘We would never!’

 

‘You’re literally cuddling him right now,’ Mark says tiredly, leaning on a column next to Donghyuck, ‘We all know you guys are going to be cheesy and nauseating.’

 

Someone lets out a murmur of agreement and the group starts bickering again. Usually, Donghyuck’d be right in there, making shitty comments and laughing too loud, but he’s so,  _ so _ tired from the plane and it’s cold and he just wants to  _ sleep _ .

 

‘Can we just go inside already,’ he sighs, ‘I’m so fucking tired.’

 

The chatter dies down and Chenle opens the door quietly. Following the younger in, Donghyuck almost breathes a sigh of relief. 

 

‘Hey,’ Jeno says from behind him, finally untangled from Renjun, ‘Are you okay?’

 

Donghyuck shoots the other a smile that probably ended up looking like a grimace, ‘I’m fine.’

 

‘Are you really?’ the blonde boy asks as Chenle starts squealing about scissors, paper, rock, ‘Hyuck -’

 

By some otherworldly grace, Jeno’s interrupted by Chenle bouncing over, ‘We’re gonna play scissors, paper, rock and the winner gets a room to themselves.’

 

Donghyuck would like to room and angst by himself but apparently God hates him so he loses straight up to Jisung. Not even offering any kind of his regular witty comments, Donghyuck rolls his eyes and struggles up the stairs with his suitcase and giant backpack.

 

Staggering, he picks a random door, throwing his bag to the side haphazardly as he enters. There are two beds in the room, both pretty big, and a door to a relatively big suite. Donghyuck has a half a mind to shower but thinks  _ fuck it _ and throws himself onto the bed closest to the bathroom and stays there. He’s nearly asleep when he registers the sound of a shower going and muted humming.

 

Even half dead, Donghyuck hopes with his might that he’s not been roomed with Jisung.

 

\---

 

Donghyuck wakes up to a bang followed by a string of muffled curses.

 

He then opens his eyes to the view of one half-naked Mark Lee and his solid abs.

 

‘Oh,’ said boy freezes, damp hair falling limply in front of his eyes, ‘Uh, morning.’

 

Donghyuck thinks it’s way too fucking early in the morning for this - for awkward conversations and abdominal muscles. 

 

‘Morning,’ he croaks out, voice awkward from disuse. 

 

Mark starts turning a worrying shade of red and Donghyuck realises he’s still staring at his very bare and very naked stomach.

 

Feeling his own face heat up, Donghyuck buries his head into his pillow, mumbling, ‘I thought you showered last night.’

 

‘I did,’ comes Mark’s somewhat muffled answer, ‘But I went exploring earlier so I’m showering again.’

 

‘Okay,’ Donghyuck says because his gaze keeps falling back onto Mark’s show of skin.

 

An awkward silence settles over the two, interrupted only by the sound of Donghyuck’s strained breathing. The younger can hear Mark zipping and unzipping bags and his curiosity only makes the atmosphere even more awkward.

 

‘What’re you doing?’ Donghyuck asks when his lack of fresh air becomes unbearable. He peeks over the curve of his pillow to see Mark bent over his suitcase, skin still very bare.

 

‘I’m looking for a shirt,’ the older boy replies distractedly.

 

Donghyuck is about to blurt out either something snarky (‘Yeah, you need one.’) or pathetic (‘Don’t wear anything.’) when he catches himself just in time. Instead, he takes in the room he was too tired to gawk at the previous night. The two beds in the room are pretty big - much bigger than the beds they get back at the school dorms. Donghyuck can only see a little glimpse of a foggy bathroom, but the giant-ass posh mirror is enough to tell him that it’s way fancier than anything he’ll probably ever use again.

 

The other bed in the room is made messily, clothes strewn all over the sheets. Donghyuck is about to make a comment on the mess when he spies a familiar yellow and white head of a plush peeking out from beneath the clutter of clothing.

 

Donghyuck does a double take, ‘What is that ugly monkey thing?’

 

‘What? Ugly monkey thing?’ comes the offhand reply as Mark sorts through his suitcase.

 

‘The one on your bed,’ Donghyuck points at the offending object sitting on Mark’s bed, ‘It’s ugly.’

 

Mark looks up briefly, letting out a little laugh, ‘Oh, uh, the toy we got from the market? Dunno - must’ve, uh, accidentally packed it.’

 

‘It’s hideous,’ Donghyuck says, eyes accidentally falling back on Mark’s body again. Does the guy spend his free-time doing situps or something? He barely averts his gaze in time when Mark turns his way.

 

‘It’s not ugly.’

 

‘It is,’ Donghyuck insists, languidly climbing out of bed and throwing on a pair of loose jeans. He’s too lazy to change out of his shirt. Gross? Probably. He doesn’t care.

 

Offhandedly, Mark says, ‘Kinda looks like you.’

 

‘It’s painful to loo-’ Donghyuck gasps midway through his sentence, ‘Are you calling me ugly?’

 

‘No,’ the other boy is facing Donghyuck, shirt in hand, ‘You’re calling  _ it _ ugly.’

 

‘But you’re implying that  _ I’m  _ ugly,’ Donghyuck persists, sitting up so he can match Mark’s (admittedly taller) height. (His eyes land on Mark’s bare chest instinctively and he hopes really, really hard that the other boy can’t see his blush.)

 

Mark rolls his eyes, ‘You’re not ugly.’

 

Keeping his gaze strictly neck-and-above, Donghyuck retorts, ‘I don’t know if you’d be such a great judge of beauty.’

 

Gaping slightly, Mark replies, ‘Now you’re calling  _ me _ ugly.’

 

‘I’m not,’ Donghyuck protests, ‘I’m just saying I don’t trust your judgement, especially since you don’t think that  _ thing _ is ugly.’

 

Mark seems to have chosen a shirt -  a very basic, boring white shirt - and Donghyuck watches in passive amusement as the other boy struggles to get it over his head.

 

‘I think it’s cute,’ the older boy says, voice muffled against the fabric of the shirt he’s wrestling, ‘You’re being very dramatic.’

 

Gasping again, Donghyuck stands up and stomps his foot, ‘I am not being very dramatic.’

 

Mark’s head pops out of the shirt, hair looking soft and ruffled, ‘You’re yelling about a stuffed toy, Donghyuck.’

 

‘I am not yelling,’ Donghyuck starts whispering loudly, ‘And that stuffed toy is  _ ugly. _ ’

 

Picking up the atrocious thing, Mark starts waving it in front of Donghyuck’s face, ‘I don’t get why you hate it so much. It’s cute.’

 

Crossing his arms, Donghyuck glares at the thing, ‘It’ll haunt me in my sleep.’

 

‘We got it together though,’ Mark says staring down at the toy, ‘Shouldn’t it be a cute reminder or something?’

 

‘That’s gross,’ Donghyuck scoffs, ‘And  _ you _ won it when you beat me 32 - 30 in basketball.’

 

‘We still go it together though,’ the older boy says almost sadly. Donghyuck wonders if he knows that he’s pouting. He almost thinks it’s cute - and he’s not talking about the toy.

 

Shaking his head, Donghyuck lets his mouth lose, ‘I don’t want anything to do with that ugly thing. It’s positively repulsive.’

 

Mark doesn’t interrupt him and Donghyuck never did know how to stop, ‘Look at it! It’s disproportionate! Its beak is twice the size of its head!’ 

 

‘It’s fine, though,’ the other boy counters, ‘You’re being dumb!’

 

‘I am not dumb!’ Donghyuck retaliates, shoving a finger into Mark’s chest with every word, ‘It’s just really ugly and  _ you _ just can’t see that.’

 

The older boy is leaning against the closed door, shaking the toy tauntingly in front of Donghyuck’s face.

 

‘Well,’ Mark retorts, ‘I think it’s cute.’

 

‘I don’t,’ Donghyuck hisses, even though he knows he’s overreacting, ‘I don’t like it.’

 

Mark adds, ‘I think it looks like you. It even sounds like you.’

 

Scoffing, Donghyuck glares, ‘How does it sound like me?’

 

‘It’s a monkey and you’re called Donghyuck. Maybe I’ll start calling you Donkey.’

 

‘No,’ the younger boy snaps, ‘Don’t you fucking dare.’

 

‘I will now,’ Mark grins, holding the ugly thing up next to his face, a smirk on his lips,  _ ‘Donkey _ .’

 

Letting out a snarl, Donghyuck throws himself at Mark, lunging for the toy. He realises midair and too late that the door is gone. One moment, Mark is leaning against it, making fun of him, and the next, it’s just… gone?

 

Suddenly, Jaemin’s sending him judgmental looks and Mark is flat on his ass.  _ Fuck, _ he thinks belatedly, before landing in a heap on top of Mark.

 

‘What the actual shit.’

 

Donghyuck scrambles to get up, knee landing dangerously close to Mark’s crotch before the other boy lets out a yelp and shoves him off.

 

‘Nana,’ Donghyuck greets as normally as he can, ‘Good morning.’

 

‘I,’ Jaemin starts and then stops as if he’s lost the ability to talk. Donghyuck thinks that would be a miracle.

 

Mark, on the other, hand, looks like he’s lost the ability to breathe, stammering and hands covering his face, ‘W-we weren’t, um, doing anything, uh, weird.’

 

‘I,’ Jaemin starts again, ‘Don’t care. About whatever the fuck you guys were doing.’

 

‘We weren’t doing anything,’ the oldest replies awkwardly, standing up and dusting his ass, ‘Really.’

 

‘I don’t care,’ Jaemin repeats, voice a little strained, ‘We’re going to a breakfast buffet together and I want food.’

 

Mark grimaces a bit, offering Donghyuck a hand to pull him up, ‘We’ll be down in a bit.’

 

Donghyuck watches as Jaemin walks off, almost in a catatonic state. He’d even be a little concerned if he wasn’t so aware of the heavy silence that had fallen over him and Mark. 

 

They stand there for an unbearably long length of time and then Mark cracks the most awkward, sheepish smile and Donghyuck just  _ cracks up _ . After a beat, the other boy starts laughing as well.

 

‘I’m glad you’re feeling better,’ Mark says with a small smile.

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

Donghyuck, still giggling, looks at Mark curiously but the older boy doesn’t meet his eyes, ‘Dunno, you were just really sad last night.’

 

‘Oh,’ Donghyuck replies smartly, laughter dying almost immediately. Of course Mark noticed - he probably offered to room with the younger just to make sure he was okay. The thought makes Donghyuck feel really, really embarrassed - and just a little bit delighted.

 

‘I’m glad you’re laughing now,’ Mark says brightly, ‘I like you better when you’re happy.’

 

‘Oh,’ Donghyuck says blankly because he’s still kind of speechless.

 

He could feel a blush crawling up his face - he’s never been flattered so  _ genuinely _ before.

 

Mark’s gaze is full of kindness, face scrunched up in happiness, and Donghyuck thinks it’s a good look on him.

 

‘Thanks,’ Donghyuck replies softly, ‘That means a lot.’

 

The older boy simply smiles, eyes genuine, ‘It’s true.’

 

They were a lot closer now, so close Donghyuck could probably count every single one of Mark’s eyelashes. He can smell the faint scent of cheap coconut shampoo and whiffs of one of Jisung’s notorious protein shakes.

 

As if snapping out of a daze, Mark stutters, ‘Um, w-we should probably go downstairs.’

 

‘Yeah,’ Donghyuck snorts, ‘Nana’s probably hexing our ghosts by now.’

 

Mark lets out an awkward laugh, ‘Yeah, haha. Hexing.’

 

The two make their way downstairs in an awkward silence, Donghyuck only somewhat avoiding small talk by checking his phone every two minutes. How do you even start a conversation after a morning of abdominal muscles, arguing, monkeys, and laughing? It really doesn’t get any more exciting in Donghyuck’s books.

 

The rest of the gang don’t seem to share the sentiment - they look like they’re having the most normal day of their lives. Chenle and Jisung are watching some dodgy cartoons on the giantass TV, the latter’s head propped up against the Chinese boy’s shoulder. Jaemin is on his phone doing god-knows-what and giggling every two seconds. And because he hates himself a lot, Donghyuck can’t help but notice Jeno and Renjun’s missing presence. 

 

‘Where’s the couple?’ Donghyuck says before he can stop himself, ‘Thought we were going to breakfast together.’

 

‘They went on some romantic walk,’ Chenle says offhandedly, ‘We’re gonna meet them there.’

 

The pang in his chest is familiar - Donghyuck has gotten to know it well. It stirs up the same annoyance it had yesterday and this time he doesn’t have his lack of sleep as an excuse.

 

Jisung lets out a loud groan, ‘Speaking of breakfast, can we please leave? I’m starving.’

 

‘You’re always starving,’ Jaemin rolls his eyes but he stands up regardless, ‘Also, Hyuck are you wearing the same shirt you did yesterday? That’s gross.’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t even honour the other with a reply - he just flips him off and puts on his shoes. It was going to be a long day, he could feel it in his bones.

 

\---

 

Even as he falls into step beside the gang, Donghyuck can’t help but feel a little out of his element. The scene is pretty, wistfully so, and it revives feelings that he can’t remember ever having. The crashing of the waves is a steady beat in his thoughts - a gentle reminder of the excitement that should be pumping through him. The wind from last night has died down from its howl, now sifting softly through his hair. 

 

The scene Donghyuck observes is almost idyllic - mellow in its pastel palette; soft blues crashing against soft yellows, mirroring his own soft feelings. It’s a good distraction from, well, everything. he feels a small glimmer of peace course through him, tension built up from the last weeks of school somewhat faded from his shoulders. He can barely hear the group bickering, just little snippets of banter and mirth.

 

‘Oi, Donghyuck,’ Jaemin slaps his arm, ‘Any opinions?’

 

Grimacing slightly, Donghyuck shakes himself out of his thoughts, ‘On what?’

 

Someone (probably Jisung, Donghyuck scowls) lets out a loud groan, ‘Oh my god, can you please pay attention to the convo for once?’

 

‘I would if you weren’t all so exceedingly boring,’ Donghyuck mutters, barely any bite to his words. 

 

He knows he’s been quieter recently - it’s an unfortunate side effect of having his heart broken, he supposes. The fact that even Jeno, and now Jisung, has noticed means that he’s probably not as subtle as he wants to be. Mark hasn’t really commented on it, but Donghyuck knows that the older boy is worried about him. He appreciates the thought but he really doesn’t want to bother the other anymore.

 

‘Donghyuck, what do you want to do after breakfast?’ Mark asks, eyes searching the younger’s. 

 

Shrugging, Donghyuck looks down at his feet, ‘Don’t really care, to be honest.’

 

‘You’re seriously useless, Hyuckie-hyung,’ Chenle giggles. Jisung just lets out a groan. Donghyuck doesn’t which reaction is worse.

 

‘We’ll just have to ask the couple,’ Jaemin sighs dramatically and Donghyuck has to bite back a noise of discontent. A part of him that would like to avoid Jeno and Renjun, another part of him knows he can’t keep his head buried inside his ass like some misinformed ostrich.

 

Swallowing down his unease, he resigns himself to walking on the edge of the group, staring out to sea. The crashing of the waves is a good distraction from any potential thoughts and he makes it the rest of the way generally peacefully. 

 

And maybe he should’ve paid a bit more attention to his surroundings because he finds himself standing outside the hotel that supposedly houses the buffet.

 

The hotel, in one word, is… unexpected. It’s not two-hundred stories high with big ugly statues, but there’re bigass fancy gates and scary-looking guards. A big somewhat-ugly fountain stands in the middle and Donghyuck resists the urge to dunk his head in it.

 

The entrance to the hotel itself is even weirder - there are spinning doors and fancy furniture, but the walls are unfurnished and kind of shabby. It’s an acquired taste and Donghyuck is glad that they were staying in a house instead.

 

‘Oh my god,’ Jaemin hisses, hand painfully clutching onto Donghyuck’s arm, ‘It’s gorgeous.’

 

Has Donghyuck mentioned  _ acquired taste _ yet? Trust Jaemin to like something that looks like both the Queen’s living room and an abandoned building.

 

‘We have to take selfies,’ Jaemin beams, grabbing the other nearest person’s arm and dragging them into frame. 

 

Donghyuck makes eye contact with Renjun through the phone screen and lets out a little sigh. Renjun laughs at him though, so Donghyuck doesn’t think the other boy knows what he’s sighing about.

 

They’re still making ugly faces when some random staff member bumps into Jaemin and nearly makes the boy drop his phone. Jaemin lets out a little yelp and elbows Donghyuck in the stomach.

 

‘Mister Zhong!’ the staff member says, ‘Please follow me!’

 

And if Donghyuck thought that the hotel lobby was weird, then he thinks that the dining area is downright wacky. The ceiling is painted light blue, the lights emanating the shape of fluffy white clouds. The ground has random patches of carpet and tiling, doubled with an underground fish tank in the very middle of the room. The tables and chairs are still fancy and posh and they’re led straight to the big table in the middle - on top of the fish tank.

 

Plopping down tiredly at one of the chairs, Donghyuck can’t even muster up the effort to go get food. Instead, he just watches staff buzz around Chenle and the group walk back and forth for food. Sneakily, he steals bits of food off of Jisung’s plate when he isn’t watching.

 

‘Aren’t you going to eat?’ Mark frowns at him from across the table, ‘I’ll go get you something if you want.’

 

He’s not hungry but eating will probably stop the others from staring at him like he’s just lost a leg, so he nods mutely and picks another cracker off of Jisung’s plate.

 

‘He’s way too nice to you,’ the youngest boy comments, slapping Donghyuck’s hand slightly, ‘I don’t get it.’

 

‘You don’t have to,’ Donghyuck lets out a sigh, ‘He’s just a really nice person in general.’

 

‘Wow,’ Jaemin drawls, returning with a plate of dessert, ‘Careful there. You don’t want to seem affectionate and friendly or anything.’

 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, ‘Fuck off. Mark’s just a good person.’

 

‘To you,’ Chenle scoffs, waving another bright-eyed waitress away, ‘Once, he didn’t let me pee for three hours straight!’

 

Renjun snorts, ‘That was during a mock-test and it was your fault you drank so much water anyway.’

 

Chenle lets out a loud gasp, ‘It was a competition with Jisung.  _ You  _ were egging me on.’

 

The two are about to start arguing when their saviour in the form of Mark Lee appears, holding a plate of different biscuits and a cup of iced chocolate.

 

‘Here,’ he says, putting the two in front of Donghyuck gently, ‘Thought you weren’t hungry so I just got you some snacks.’

 

‘My point is proven,’ Jisung mutters lowly - except probably not low enough since Mark raises a confused eyebrow.

 

‘What point?’ 

 

‘Nothing,’ Donghyuck says hastily, shooting a glare at Jisung. He could almost imagine the awkwardness that would ensue if Mark found out that they were talking about him, ‘Let’s talk about what we want to do after this.’

 

The divert in conversation is generally successful - the others jumping at the chance to argue with each other - save for a questioning look from Mark and a smirk from Jaemin. Donghyuck ignores them both, choosing instead to focus on the conversation at hand for once.

 

‘Injunnie and I wanna check out the mall,’ Jeno says around a mouthful of fruit, ‘Anyone wanna come?’

 

‘No thanks,’ Donghyuck snorts, taking a sip out of his drink. Murmurs of agreement are heard from around the table. 

 

‘Are you sure?’ Jeno looks around the table, slightly put off, ‘It’ll be fun.’

 

He pouts when no one answers and it makes Donghyuck a little bit sick in the stomach. 

 

‘Really?’ he asks again when no one answers, ‘Wow, guys. Really feeling the love.’

 

Jaemin sighs into his plate of cheesecake, ‘Give it up Jeno, no one wants to third-wheel you and Injun.’

 

Jeno’s affronted look and pout should probably Donghyuck’s heart skip, but Renjun kisses the other boy’s cheek and then it just makes him feel a little bit sick. Donghyuck doesn’t know if he’s grown allergic to Jeno’s charm or more bitter to the PDA he and Renjun are so prone to show.

 

Judging from the sounds coming from Jisung’s end of the table, he’s not the only one in the group with an aversion to the show.

 

‘We’re not that bad,’ Renjun mumbles, a blush climbing up his neck.

 

‘You’re terrible,’ Jisung sneers, ‘It’s killing us all.’

 

‘You are pretty bad,’ Mark says offhandedly. 

 

Jaemin winces obnoxiously, sucking air through his teeth, ‘The ever neutral Mark Lee has taken an opinion! You must be bad.’

 

‘We’re not!’

 

‘You are.’

 

‘We’re really not.’

 

‘No one’s going with you two to the mall either way,’ Donghyuck groans, ‘Go on a date or something.’

 

‘Fine then,’ Renjun retorts good-heartedly, standing up, ‘We’ll be taking our leave now.’

 

Jeno shoots the rest of them an apologetic glance before shrugging and following the other out the exit.

 

‘Guess we’re going to the beach then,’ Chenle squeals, ‘I’m so excited! It’ll be so fun!’

 

\---

 

The beach is not usually fun, especially not the beaches from back home. The beaches that Donghyuck grew up with were cold and grey and yet still overcrowded.

 

This beach, though, is different. Apparently, it’s ‘private property’ and so only their group will be using the good half-a-mile stretch of land. It’s peaceful and warm and Donghyuck almost feels unburdened.

 

Plopping down onto the ground, he savours the feeling of the soft sand on his back. The pleasant warmth of the sun and rhythmic crashes of the waves lulls him into closing his eyes. He can barely hear Chenle and Jisung’s noisy bickering over the crashing waves.

 

Out of nowhere, a harsh whack lands on his stomach. 

 

‘What the fuck,’ he groans, eyes opening to meet the bemused gaze of Mark Lee. The other boy wields a bottle of sunscreen mock-threateningly in front of Donghyuck’s face. 

 

He lets out another groan, ‘Keep your grubby hands away from me.’

 

‘I’m protecting your skin, Donghyuck,’ Mark snorts, ‘You should thank me.’

 

‘Fuck off,’ Donghyuck grumbles, but sits up anyway, ‘Or do it for me.’

 

Mark stares down at him, eyes wide in what seems like amusement and cheeks red from the sun. 

 

‘You’re so lazy,’ the older boy snorts, turning away with a strange expression and haphazardly throwing the sunscreen in Donghyuck’s direction, ‘Do it yourself.’

 

Scrambling slightly to catch the bottle, Donghyuck lets out a little huff. The sunscreen was slick and kinda gross on his skin - especially with the gritty sand already stuck on his body. 

 

‘This is gross,’ he makes sure to say, making direct eye contact with Mark, ‘It’s all oily and slick and probably terrible for my pores.’

 

The older boy raises an eyebrow, ‘You complain too much.’

 

Hissing slightly, Donghyuck throws the bottle pettily at Mark. A sense of accomplishment washes over him when it hits the other in the neck.

 

‘I complain the golden amount,’ he retorts, closing his eyes again. He’s just about to flop down a second time when two fingers land coolly on the back of his neck.

 

Instinctively, he whips around to see a Mark Lee staring down at his skin with a concentrated expression.

 

‘W-what?’ Donghyuck splutters, flinching slightly from the proximity.

 

Mark’s reply comes with a soft breath on Donghyuck’s neck, ‘You missed a spot.’

 

Donghyuck doesn’t reply - too awkward from how close the older boy was to him. He doesn’t know how long he sits there - back stiff as a board and feeling gentle touches on the back of his neck - but it’s long enough for his muscles to ache and his breath to stutter.

 

The others don’t seem to realise his predicament, save for Jaemin and an impish eyebrow, and Donghyuck has no excuse except that Mark’s just way too close for comfort.

 

‘All done,’ said boy murmurs, patting Donghyuck’s hair softly, ‘Go to sleep now.’

 

‘I’ll do what I want,’ the younger boy mumbles, cheeks slightly heated, ‘But thanks.’

 

‘You’re welcome,’ Mark smiles widely and Donghyuck has to look away.

 

He’s just closed his eyes when he hears Jaemin saying something to Mark about his ‘newly gained confidence’. He’s a little confused - because Mark’s probably the most adorably awkward, shy person he’s ever known - so he makes sure he’s going to interrogate Jaemin (and maybe Mark) later.

 

—-

 

Donghyuck wakes up to jeers and wolf whistling. He panics for about three seconds before he realises it’s not directed at him. 

 

Sitting up and blinking blearily, he spies a familiar couple walking down hand-in-hand. There’s a quiet ‘of course’ in his brain and something that sounds like hysterical laughter.

 

And maybe he’s swallowed sand in his sleep because it’s suddenly hard to swallow. His throat feels like sandpaper and his eyes are fixed on the advancing duo.

 

Jeno’s hair is no longer the gritty grey blonde Donghyuck’s used to - instead, it’s black and it matches Renjun’s hair and it’s kind of cute. It also makes Donghyuck want to run into the ocean and never look back. 

 

He doesn’t really care about Jeno’s hair - except that he  _ really _ does. The change is good and it looks good, but it just makes Donghyuck feel weird and it’s not even the way that Jeno’s hair frames his face. 

 

He doesn’t want to admit it, but it’s probably the way that Jeno and Renjun are holding hands and the way they’re literally sitting on each other. Renjun is gently patting sunscreen on Jeno’s face and Donghyuck doesn’t think he’s ever seen Jeno with such a  _ soft _ look.

 

He knows he should just tolerate it (and he does - for like two minutes), but his blood feels like tar and his hands are all clammy, and really, he just wants to  _ leave _ .

 

‘I want to go to the mall,’ Donghyuck stands up - slowly because he’s sweaty and sticky from the sunscreen and his stomach is kind of sick.

 

‘You said you wanted to chill though,’ replies Jaemin, sunglasses on and ugly.

 

‘Yes,’ Donghyuck nods heavily, hands clenching around the hem of his shirt, ‘But now I want to go to the mall.’

 

Chenle and Jisung, like the five-year-olds they are, are making sandcastles on the side, barely paying him any attention. 

 

Donghyuck doesn’t want to even look at Jeno and Renjun, so he talks to the air in front of him instead, ‘Who wants to come?’

 

He’s answered with a series of ‘not me’s and ‘no’s. His throat is tight in his anxiety and there are definitely tears burning in the back of his eyes. 

 

‘Please?’ he asks, a little desperately, ‘I don’t want to go alone.’

 

‘Suffer,’ Jisung sneers, face scrunched up from the sun. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Donghyuck hopes he gets wrinkles. 

 

‘We just went,’ Renjun says, hand still stuck in Jeno’s (it makes Donghyuck’s heart  _ ache _ ), ‘Sorry.’

 

Jaemin groans pointedly into Donghyuck’s foot and Chenle just replies that he’s too tired. Mark is seemingly asleep next to him, and Donghyuck doesn’t even think about waking the older up for another one of his angst-seshes.

 

Gritting his teeth, he resigns himself to go by himself. How did Donghyuck end up with such shitty friends? No idea - except maybe it’s because he’d do the same if he was in their position.

 

Sticking his head up and purposely looking everywhere  _ but _ at the others, Donghyuck trudges away, heart heavy and eyes sweaty. 

 

He may be half hyperventilating and definitely a little bit wobbly, but God vow the day that he, Lee Donghyuck, cries in front of everyone. (Also because Jisung would never let it go. The younger already has a video of Chenle and him crying in How to Train Your Dragon 2.)

 

‘Wait up!’ a voice calls from behind him, and Donghyuck’s almost ashamed of the sigh of relief that passes through his lips.

 

Mark is jogging towards him, hat askew on his head, ‘Why didn’t you ask me?’

 

Donghyuck stops walking, shaking his head, ‘I didn’t want to wake you up. I’m being dumb anyways.’

 

‘You’re not being dumb,’ Mark frowns at him, tugging at Donghyuck’s wrist, ‘Come on, let’s go get ice-cream or something.’

 

They walk in silence for the most part; the two of them pass the hundreds of little beachside stores wordlessly. Donghyuck distracts himself by buying too many tourist-trap souvenirs.

 

‘You okay?’ Mark asks out of the blue, stopping to play with one of the trinkets on display, ‘You look like you just found out that Santa’s not real.’

 

‘No way,’ the younger drawls, fiddling with a tiny rainbow kite, ‘Santa’s not real? I’m heartbroken.’

 

Judging by the unimpressed look he receives, Donghyuck supposes that he’s not exactly subtle in his attempts at avoiding Feeling Talk™.

 

‘Donghyuck,’ Mark sighs, ‘You should talk these things out. If not me, then someone else.’

 

‘I’m fine,’ Donghyuck says - he’s a fighter, not a runner and he’s going to fight for the goddamned topic change.

 

‘You’re such a donkey,’ Donghyuck rolls his eyes at the nickname, ‘You don’t have to be okay all the time.’

 

‘I know,’ the younger boy murmurs, ‘I just -’

 

He stops talking halfway because his heart’s in his throat and his eyes aren’t exactly focusing properly. Gritting his teeth, Donghyuck forces himself to keep talking, ‘I want to stop feeling this way, but it’s - it’s hard.’

 

He’s probably walking away too fast and leaving the other behind, but he supposes it doesn’t matter since Mark is faster anyway.

 

The older boy isn’t even panting when he  _ does _ catch up to Donghyuck - he just frowns in the dumb concerned way he always does.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ he says, ‘I don’t mean to pry. I just don’t want you to feel alone.’

 

Shaking his head, Donghyuck mutters, ‘It’s okay, I probably should be moving on by now.’

 

‘Really?’

 

Nodding, Donghyuck says it again - more to himself than anything else, ‘I’m going to try to move on. Or at least distract myself with something else.’

 

‘Okay,’ Mark replies, ‘That’s a good idea.’

 

‘I hope so,’ Donghyuck sighs, gesturing to the entrance to the mall they’ve just spent half an hour walking to, ‘Where do you think I should start?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no excuses for this except that life's been kicking my ass recently. please excuse the jumpy transitions. this is so last minute idek what i wrote for the past two hours tbh
> 
> on the other hand, next chap will prob take the same amount of time since i got exams and assignments coming up. n e way thank you so much for reading!!! this is doing so much better than i’d ever imagined


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyuck and mark make it back from the mall. then they leave again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo this took me 5 months ha ha ha and it's a filler fu ck  
> it's also not edited
> 
> ALSO I REWROTE SOME STUFF SO PLS REREAD IF U CAN SO IT'S NOT CONFUSING

‘I’m so poor,’ Donghyuck murmurs, idly fingering the price tag of some ugly Hawaiian shirt, ‘This mall makes me miserable.’

 

‘Aw, come on,’ Mark laughs from beside him, holding up a pair of the ugliest shoes, ‘It’s Chenle’s  money.’

 

‘I’m not a monster,’ Donghyuck mutters, barely sparing the shoes a glance, ‘And those shoes are ugly.’

 

The older boy isn’t fazed by Donghyuck’s disinterest, ‘They have little monkeys on them. They look just like you!’

 

‘They’re ugly,’ Donghyuck snorts, ‘Just like you.’

 

Mark just laughs softly, shaking his head and running his hand along a belt rack. He watches them move back and forth and Donghyuck watches him. 

 

Had it only been a few weeks since they had gotten so close? Donghyuck has talked to Mark more than he’s talked to the others combined. Guilt rushes through him like a shockwave. For months, he’d been pining over this trip - and now that it’s happening, he’s barely even talked to his friends. What could they be thinking? What does Jeno think?

 

‘Hyuck,’ Mark sighs, waving a hand in front of his face, ‘You zoned out again.’

 

Blinking slowly, Donghyuck lets out a sheepish smile, ‘Sorry, what were you saying?’

 

‘I was saying,’ Mark repeats, ‘That it’s way past lunch and that we should get something to eat.’

 

‘Sure,’ Donghyuck agrees, ‘What do you want?’

 

‘Food,’ the other replies blandly, tugging Donghyuck out of the way-too-expensive store.

 

The younger snorts, ‘No fucking duh, I mean what kind of food.’

 

Mark shrugs, ‘Unhealthy food? What other kinds of food is there?’

 

‘Healthy food,’ Donghyuck grins, pointing at a wholefoods cafe, ‘We should start a diet.’

 

The little store is relatively empty, save for a teen couple in the back. Right next to it, the neon sign of McDonald’s glistens. Donghyuck feels like this is the hardest choice he’s made in years.

 

‘You really think you can?’ Mark asks amusedly, ‘I know I can’t.’

 

Tearing his eyes away from the fast food store, Donghyuck scoffs, ‘Is that a challenge?’

 

‘What?’ Mark lets out a laugh, ‘No?’

 

‘Challenge accepted,’ the younger sneers, ‘Diet begun.’

 

\---

 

Donghyuck ends up spending $13.85 on an atrocious kale smoothie and a tiny slice of ‘healthy’ caramel slice. He’s not quite sure how caramel slice can be healthy, but he’s not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

 

‘For our new diet,’ he says, dramatically raising up his smoothie in a faux-toast. Little chunks of green float around dangerously. Donghyuck tries not to look at it.

 

‘Your new diet,’ Mark reminds him gently, playing along with his double-chocolate, cookies-and-cream milkshake with extra cream and chocolate syrup, ‘I wish you luck.’

 

‘I can do it,’ Donghyuck affirms, eyes stuck on his caramel slice, ‘It’s just a diet.’

 

The older boy replies with a knowing smile, ‘I’m sure you can.’

 

\---

 

He caves and buys a bar of chocolate barely twenty minutes later. Mark just rolls his eyes and grabs a second one to share.

 

‘You wanna head back now?’ the older boy asks, ripping open the packet with his teeth.

 

Despite the spike of panic that shoots through him, Donghyuck scoffs, ‘And stop taking advantage of Chenle’s money? No thanks.’

 

‘Hyuck.’

 

The other boy sighs and Donghyuck doesn’t have to look to know that Mark was sending him one of his ugly concerned looks. 

 

‘This isn’t healthy, you know,’ Mark says quietly, ‘This whole avoiding thing.’

 

Donghyuck stuff the chocolate into his mouth, chewing loudly so he doesn’t have to reply and hoping Mark will take a hint.

 

Mark doesn’t take the hint.

 

‘I want you to be happy but I want you to be healthy too,’ the black-haired boy frowns, ‘Is that too much to ask?’

 

There’s an ugly feeling swirling around in Donghyuck’s stomach. It makes his chocolate a little less sweet and a little drier and it almost makes him stop walking. Mark doesn’t notice though, rambling on passionately.

 

‘-but if this is what you want to do, then I’ll support you. It doesn’t mean I think it’s right though, and I just think-’

 

The more the older boy talks, the more uncomfortable Donghyuck feels. He knows he’s not alright and he knows the right thing is to face his problems. Taking a deep, shaky breath, Donghyuck runs his mind through the worst case scenario. What’s the worst that could happen anyway?

 

‘Let’s go back then,’ he says swiftly, cutting through Mark’s ramble, ‘It’ll be fine.’

 

Mark just shoots him a look of curiosity before letting out a wide grin.

 

‘Come on then,’ he says, tugging on Donghyuck’s wrist gently, ‘Let’s head back.’

 

Donghyuck lets himself be led out the mall, the loudish atmosphere of the mall gradually fading behind him. The cool artificial air is quickly replaced by a warm breeze. The sun is already on its way back down, casting faint oranges into Donghyuck’s eyes.

 

The pastel beaches from the morning have morphed into bolder reds and oranges - the gentle chatter of tourists has grown into a loud but consistent background noise.

 

It’s pretty, but it’s new, barely reminiscent of the filtered city sunsets from home. Donghyuck feels the urge to take pictures of everything - to record the moment forever. Mark too, seems enamoured by the scene. His face glows in the muted sunset light, eyes sparkling and smile soft.

 

Forcing his eyes away, Donghyuck sets his eyes on the entrance to the beach. His stomach turns at the thought of meeting up with the others again.

 

\---

 

They’ve barely reached the others when Jisung’s smartass voice makes its unwelcome way to Donghyuck’s ears.

 

‘Wow,’ it drones, ‘They’ve finally made their way back. Looks like they didn’t get lost after all.’

 

‘Right in time for dinner,’ Chenle waves at them enthusiastically, ‘Good timing!’

 

Donghyuck shoots the Chinese boy a smile, blatantly ignoring Jisung by sitting on his outstretched legs. 

 

‘Where’s the food?’ he drawls as Jisung attempts to buck him off, ‘Are we eating sand or something?’

 

A hand lands on Donghyuck’s head - fingers twist around his hair and then pulls hard. At the same time, Jisung manages to kick him directly in the bum. Donghyuck lets out an affronted choke and falls into the sand. He turns around to glare at the culprit, only to meet the amused gaze of one Huang Renjun.

 

The older boy is half sitting in Jeno’s lap and moving his mouth, almost as if he was saying something. Donghyuck can’t hear him over his internal thoughts. Jeno is smiling softly at him and looking like he’s in paradise. It’s a sight to behold, Lee Jeno smiling in the early evenings, wind ruffling his hair. The other boy’s eyes sparkle with something akin to joy and it reminds Donghyuck of everything he doesn’t have. Happiness, joy, contentment, Jeno? He really does not want to deal with this right now. 

 

‘- and since you guys came back so late, we just ordered Ubereats,’ Renjun finishes, leaning back into his boyfriend. 

 

Donghyuck averts his gaze, sifting sand through his fingertips, ‘Amazing.’

 

His throat is drier than the sand and he’s barely able to swallow around the lump that’s found its way there. Blinking rapidly, he bites his lip and hopes that no one notices. His hands tighten around nothing, curling into a fist and nails pressing into his palm.

 

‘He doesn’t care,’ Jisung deadpans, flicking a handful of sand at him. Donghyuck hardly notices, unflinching when the grains land in his hair. Some of it ends up in Chenle’s eye and the two start bickering again. 

 

‘Are you not hungry?’ Jaemin asks, hand on Donghyuck’s shoulder. It’s quiet - barely audible over the sound of Chenle and Jisung - but it makes him flinch regardless. 

 

He covers it up with a half-hearted shrug, but he knows the other boy’s already seen his reaction. Out of the corner of his eye, he spies Jaemin and Jeno exchange a look. He doesn’t know what it means - those two have always had their own weirdass language - but he can take a wild guess.

 

It means they’ve been discussing him and it makes him uncomfortable - exceedingly so. Donghyuck knows it’s because they care but he hates that they know. He hates it - hates being a topic of conversation, of discussion. He’s more than just an issue but he can’t say that without becoming one.

 

Jaemin’s hand is still on his shoulder and Jeno is now standing right next to him. Donghyuck starts to feel like he’s being trapped and interrogated.

 

Out of nowhere, Mark declares, ‘We ate earlier.’

 

He offers a hand to Donghyuck and the younger takes it gratefully, heaving himself up. Watching Jaemin and Jeno exchange another look, Donghyuck pretends to dust sand off of his shorts, biting the inside of his lip. For some reason, it’s awkward. Chenle and Jisung have stopped fighting and Renjun is on his phone. The silence between the four of them rings like an alarm.

 

‘Alright,’ Jeno says after a few seconds, ‘That’s good.’

 

‘Yeah,’ Donghyuck says quietly, fingers attaching themselves to the hem of Mark’s shirt. He tugs on it silently, hoping that the older boy gets the message.

 

Mark raises an eyebrow but continues on as normal, ‘Hyuckie and I wanna explore. We’ll be back later I guess.’

 

Renjun lets out a groan, ‘Again? You literally just got back.’

 

‘Yeah!’ Chenle quips loudly, ‘You can’t go on two dates in one day, that’s not fair.’

 

The group collapses into an awkward pause before everyone bursts into replies. Jisung agrees with Chenle but Renjun starts half-yelling about how Donghyuck and Mark aren’t dating. Jaemin starts arguing with Renjun and Jeno stands off to the side, eyes stuck on the older Chinese boy.

 

Donghyuck’s mouth feels dry and he tugs on Mark’s shirt again, ‘Can we go please?’

 

‘Sure,’ the older boy murmurs, gently removing his fingers from his hem. Instead, his fingers wrap almost wholly around Donghyuck’s wrist. Mark’s hand is cold, but Donghyuck thinks that it makes him feel warm.

 

‘Thanks,’ he mumbles when they’re far enough from the group. He watches the sand beneath his feet fly up with every step. It’s a steady reminder that he’s walking away from his group of friends. He can barely even hear them over the crashing of the waves.

 

‘What for?’ Mark asks, ‘I didn’t do anything.’

 

Donghyuck bites his lip, still looking at the sand, ‘For getting me out of there.’

 

‘They were being pushy,’ Mark shrugs, letting go of Donghyuck’s wrist.

 

Almost immediately, the younger’s arm shoots out and grabs onto the edge of Mark shirt again, ‘They’re caring.’

 

‘By pushing,’ Mark corrects quietly, ‘Which you’re not ready for.’

 

‘You were the one who wanted me to go back,’ Donghyuck mutters, hands twisting in Mark’s shirt, ‘I thought you’d be upset.’

 

The other boy smiles softly, ‘You did go back. I didn’t say you had to stay.’

 

Biting his lip, Donghyuck grumbles, ‘You should’ve told me. I got all scared for nothing.’

 

‘Why were you scared?’ Mark asks, gently untangling Donghyuck’s fingers from his shirt, ‘And where do you want to go?’

 

‘Let’s just sit down somewhere,’ Donghyuck says quietly, fingers tightening into a fist. His joints kind of hurt from how hard he’s been curling them. 

 

‘You didn’t answer the question,’ Mark reminds him softly, making his way up the beach.

 

They’ve long left the private section of the beach, instead joining a few other tourists on the main part. The sun is long gone now but the strip of sand is still illuminated by the streetlights behind. There are a few kids playing with sparklers and a few couples waddling in the water. Longing washes over him like a wave from the sea.

 

‘Donkey,’ Mark asks again, ‘Why were you scared?’

 

Donghyuck blinks, barely registering the nickname, ‘What?’

 

The older boy sits down with a sigh, ‘You said you were scared of going back.’

 

Still standing up, Donghyuck looks down at him, ‘A little.’

 

‘Why?’ Mark asks, patting a spot next to him languidly.

 

‘Dunno,’ Donghyuck plops down next to the other, ‘I just don’t like it anymore.’

 

‘Of hanging out?’ Mark asks with a slight frown, ‘They’re still your friends though.’

 

Donghyuck bites his lip, ‘Yeah. It’s just all different now.’

 

It really is different. He remembers a time when it wasn’t like this - like talking to everyone was such a struggle. He loved talking to the others, loved making them laugh, and watching them be happy. Or maybe he loved talking to Jeno and making Jeno laugh and watching Jeno be happy. He’s not quite sure now. Donghyuck’s not quite sure of anything, to be honest. When was the last time he was happy? He can’t remember the last time he was able to mess around with the others properly.

 

‘I’m tired,’ he says after a pause, ‘Really tired.’

 

It’s true. His head feels like a thousand tonnes but his heart feels heavier. 

 

‘Okay,’ Mark replies quietly, ‘Get some sleep then.’

 

The other boy was looking at Donghyuck, eyes wide in his sincerity. They say that eyes are the windows to someone’s soul and Mark’s soul is downright angelic. It’s cute when he stares at Donghyuck with so much trust, too-long hair blowing in the wind and framing his face. 

 

Mark is like perfection in muted tones; his hair and eyes are both as dark as the night sky but his skin is like moonlight. He’s lost the shy look he used to have - the one that appears when he’s not too sure of himself and when he was around new people.

 

Confident Mark is a new Mark to Donghyuck and he likes it. A lot.

 

Biting the inside of his lip, Donghyuck lets out a small smile, ‘I don’t like the sand.’

 

‘You didn’t care earlier,’ Mark points out, eyes still searching his face.

 

‘Well,’ the younger lets out an exaggerated sigh, ‘I care now.’

 

Finally looking away from Donghyuck’s face, Mark flops down onto his back, ‘Suit yourself. I’m already sandy anyway.’

 

‘Are you really going to take a nap?’ Donghyuck says faux-indignantly, ‘Without me?’

 

Mark’s closed his eyes already, half a smile on his face, ‘You can take one too.’

 

‘Wow,’ Donghyuck scoffs, ‘On the sand? No way.’

 

The older boy doesn’t reply so he reaches down, using two fingers to pinch Mark’s nose closed. He inhales dramatically a few seconds later, shooting Donghyuck an offended look.

 

‘Let me sleep,’ he complains, closing his eyes again, ‘Just use me as a pillow or something.’

 

‘No way,’ Donghyuck sneers despite the heaviness in his eyelids. The world is blurring like a bad photograph, lights misty and sounds indistinct. 

 

A hand comes out of nowhere, tapping Donghyuck back into awareness. Mark gently grabs his head, guiding it down towards his chest. 

 

‘You’re gonna fall asleep sitting up,’ Mark laughs softly, the sound muffled by Donghyuck’s head being pressed up against the crook of his neck.

 

The younger grunts in reply, warmth climbing up his face quickly. He can feel the rise and fall of Mark’s chest, the rhythmic noise slowing his own breathing. Beneath it, he can hear Mark’s heart beating really, really fast. It puts a smile on Donghyuck’s face and he bites down on his lip to not say anything.

 

Just as he’s about to fall asleep, he realises that the fast-paced heartbeat mirrors his own.

 

\---

 

Donghyuck wakes up to Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ right next to his ear. It’s loud enough to shock him into consciousness almost immediately. 

 

‘What the fuck,’ he murmurs, blinking awake. He’s ended up on Mark’s lap, the older’s fingers in his hair. 

 

‘Sorry,’ Mark grins sheepishly, grabbing the offending singing-thing, ‘Phone.’

 

Donghyuck thinks Mark looks weird from this angle. He can see a bit of stubble that the other’s probably missed whilst shaving and he briefly ponders the thought of Mark with a beard. It makes him laugh harder than it should and Mark sends him a weird look.

 

‘Nothing,’ he snickers, heaving himself up from his lap, ‘Who’s on the phone?’

 

‘Jaemin,’ Mark whispers before wincing from the call, ‘He’s mad.’

 

Snorting, Donghyuck threads his fingers through his hair. How bad could it be?

 

‘Put him on speaker.’

 

Mark hesitates, ‘I’m putting you on speaker.’

 

Almost immediately, the Jaemin’s nagging bursts through Mark’s phone.

 

‘When are you coming back?’ the phone grumbles, ‘Do you know how long it’s been? How long has it been, Injunnie?’

 

Donghyuck looks at Mark questioningly but the older boy only shrugs. The air’s gotten significantly colder and there’s practically no one on the beach. Donghyuck looks up at the moon to try to figure out what time it is but gives up when he can’t find the moon.

 

‘It’s been two hours,’ Jaemin keeps going, ‘Two hours. We’ve already headed back to the house. You know why? Because it’s cold -’

 

‘Should we head back?’ Mark whispers with a smile, ‘Save us from Nana’s nagging?’

 

The phone yells, ‘Oi, I heard that! If you guys get sick, I’m not taking care of you. Neither is Injun, or Jeno, or Chenle, or even Jisung. You wanna know why? Because -’

 

‘Let’s go,’ Donghyuck giggles, ‘Hang up on him.’

 

‘Don’t you dare!’ Jaemin growls - to no avail because Mark’s already picked up the phone.

 

The older boy sends the device a pitying stare, ‘Sorry we’re coming back now. Bye!’

 

‘I swear to God!’ is the last thing that makes it through the line before Mark cuts it.

 

‘He’s gonna kill you,’ Donghyuck grins, rubbing the last of his sleep from his eyes, ‘Probably kill us both as well.’

 

‘Oh well,’ Mark jumps up, dusting sand off of his arms, ‘Guess we’ll both die.’

 

He ruffles his hair haphazardly, sand flying everywhere, ‘We should go back asap.’

Donghyuck lets out a groan, ‘I’m too tired. Just leave me here, I’ll only slow you down.’

 

Mark laughs, ‘Come on, Donkey, let’s go.’

 

‘Noooo,’ the younger moans dramatically, still sitting down, ‘I don’t wanna.’

 

‘Come on,’ Mark laughs, bending down in front of Donghyuck and offering a piggyback ride, ‘I’ll carry you.’

 

‘I’m not five,’ Donghyuck rolls his eyes, but winds his arms around the older’s neck anyway, ‘Don’t drop me.’

 

‘You weigh like you’re five,’ Mark grunts, standing up slowly, ‘I won’t ever drop you.’

 

Donghyuck just rests his chin on the other’s neck as they make it up the beach. The wind blows through his hair, stinging his face and tangling his hair. He’s still a little scared about going back to the others but he’ll get better, probably.

 

‘You’re okay about heading back though, right?’ Mark suddenly says, a little out of breath.

 

‘Yeah,’ Donghyuck murmurs, ‘What other choice do I have?’

 

‘I’d rent out an Airbnb or something,’ the older boy replies. Donghyuck doesn’t know if he’s being serious or not so he just lets out a laugh.

 

‘It’s okay,’ he assures, breath probably tickling Mark’s ear, ‘I’ll be okay.’

 

Mark hums in reply and they walk the rest of the path in silence. The night air is cold, but somehow Donghyuck feels warmer than ever.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my excuse this time is that my life fell apart oof
> 
> hmu to nag me about updates/ask me about how my life fell apart
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/dhyuckies) [cc](https://curiouscat.me/dhyuckies)

**Author's Note:**

> if there's anything i need to fix, pls tell me!! i'm still new to this, so pls excuse any awkward expression, words, whatnot. 
> 
> thank you so much for reading!!!!!


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